I have a confession.
Sometimes, in the midst of this beautiful, amazing life, I find myself feeling sort of…
Not in the “Whatever-will-I-do-with-all-this-free-time?” kind of way, but in the “Isn’t-there-something-bigger-I-could-be-doing-or-at-least-working-toward?” kind of way.
Don’t be misled; I am joyful! I love where we are in this season. My husband is amazing, he’s my best friend and I love that we get to do life together. Our babes fill my life with love, laughter, and craziness and are a constant reminder that I have so very much to learn.
It’s just that if I had to choose a word that would encompass where we are in this season, the first one that comes to mind is…
And that’s not a bad thing. Routine is a good and necessary thing, and children thrive from it. It’s how we set boundaries, create daily habits and life rhythms, instill values and teach good behaviors. Routine helps us to become responsible individuals and contributing members to society.
As a thirty-something year old mama that derives inspiration from the unexpected, loves adventure and travel, and yearns to create, design, write and tell stories through music and photography…
The day to day sameness begins to feel… Little, sometimes.
I love my children, and I am so thankful that we are charged with raising them to love Jesus. It is no small task, and I pray daily that I will rise to the challenge and that their hearts will be won from a young age. That being said (and all-the-mom-blogs will agree), I also know that this season of dirty diapers, constant questions, bedtime stories and eskimo kisses will be over before I even know what happened, and I think that the root of my seeming discontent is that it scares me.
Right now, my daily purpose seems confined to the titles of “wife” and “mama”. Both of which are such incredible roles, and I love them, but…
in the wee hours of the morning, questions sometimes surface about my significance.
What happens when my Littles aren’t so little anymore?
What will I work toward when I’m not teaching, training, helping them grow?
What do You have for me then?
I wonder if Sarai felt something similar.
The situations are different, I know.
But I have a feeling that my desire for purpose echoes her own.
I would imagine Abram told her of God’s promise to him of the many descendants to come. And when Abram doubted, God reiterated that promise. Abram believed Him and I have to think that Sarai did too. Anyone that has struggled with infertility will understand the desperation she must have felt at hoping and praying that children were to come, but never seeing that come to fruition. She waited years. Decades for God’s promise.
In desperation, she offered an alternative option. An acceptable one in that culture, but not the option God purposed. The ensuing relational chaos and conflict have echoed throughout generations of descendants… and the ramifications are still apparent today in the tension we see from the Middle East, Ishmael’s legacy, the product of Sarai’s attempt at self-given significance.
Thankfully, so thankfully, we serve a redeeming God.
A God who does not bless His people based on their performance, choices or actions.
The God that called Sarai “Blessed” – even after her actions were not in line with His will for her.
The God that spoke life into a barren woman’s womb.
The God that gives purposeful significance, not by what we do, but by calling us His.
Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!