She loves her kids, loves her husband, but she’s running herself crazy trying to
maintain it all. Sometimes there’s so much frustration in her marriage, she doesn’t feel understood from her man. And as much as she adores being called mommy, the feeling of being tired seems to go much deeper than mere sleep. What purpose can be found in the relentless monotony of dishes and toys and laundry? She wonders if there must be something more; something to fill her heart in ways that her kids, career, or even her husband haven’t been able to reach.
She walks through loss like dead leaves being tossed cruelly through the winter air. It’s an ache so deep it colors everything in her life. So many questions. So many unknowns. The hurt and anger threaten daily to undo her from the inside out and she wishes for more. She wishes for the all too illusive peace. Desperately weary from the burden of grief, if only she could lay it aside for a while.
Her past haunts her like a threatening shadow. Pervasively influencing her everything. Nothing seems to be untouched by the ghostly haunts of what “was”. Her relationships, her self-image, the person she tries to be, even her future are all held tightly by the icy grip of her past. Can she be free? Is there more? Will fear forever have power over her?
Life has been full of so many good things and now she is reaping the rewards of giving her life away. Watching her kids be parents satisfies her beyond words knowing that she played a role in who they are today. Grandkids fill up her heart in ways she didn’t know existed and now she has plenty of time for her friends and all those other things she couldn’t do when her babies were young, yet, she wrestles quietly with an internal angst. They have more money now than they did a few decades back, but the shopping only half-fulfills. Her husband is harder to read these days, and she finds herself wondering if, now that the kids are gone, they will even make it to “death do us part”. The emptiness, the emotion, the depth of longing for….something. If only she could find what she was looking for.
The ragged outline of a broken body fills her thoughts so consistently now. The bold smile that once graced that precious face so easily now comes so rarely and always with eyes etched with pain. Why would sickness steal something so lovely? The endless doctor appointments, the wrongs that seem never to be righted, and the lack of answers multiply her heart’s demand for, “Why?!” She imagines what “could have been”, but tries not to as the wholeness her mind’s eye sees only intensifies the pain that she can not heal. The unfairly broken body leaves her own heart desperate for healing as well. Is there good? Where can the hope be in the middle of this bitterness? Inside, her heart seems to wither away with its own kind of disease while begging for hope and merciful healing.
The blatant truth is that we are all desperate and empty. Fighting loneliness and pain so deep that its wounds seem impossible to heal. No matter which “she” you identify with, your heart begs for more, just like mine.
The beauty is found here in this equally blaring truth, there is a healer. Hope is real. Fullness is here. Your heart’s longings can be satisfied in ways you never dreamed possible.
The Satisfier of your soul longs and aches to not only hold your hurt and carry your grief, but to give you Fullness in its place!
Come, See, Taste, He’s waiting, holding out life!
Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!
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