If you asked me to choose one word to describe my overall relationship with God, I would say “trust.” There’s a lot of words I could use to define my relationship with God – faith, love, grace, forgiveness, victory, etc., but for me,” trust” just really sums it all up.
trust /trəst/ (verb): allow someone to have, use, or look after someone or something of importance or value with confidence.
I have to trust that God loves me.
I have to trust that His grace and forgiveness are enough.
I have to trust that no matter what trials I face, there is victory.
When I was four years old, I was diagnosed with AV Node Re-entry Tachycardia. As a four-year-old, learning I had a problem with my heart meant big, scary things. It meant doctors’ appointments, limited physical activity, surgeries, and . . . lots and lots of anxiety.
I was a very anxious child. I was afraid of the dark, afraid of sleeping, afraid of walking down the hallway by myself, and absolutely terrified of sickness and death. All of this anxiety eventually led to depression in my preteen years, and through this I learned to trust God with all my worries. God has given me the confidence to openly share about my struggles, through which, I’ve been able to come alongside people just like me!
When God places a trial in our lives, we are not meant to keep it to ourselves! God has victory over all of our tribulations, and every hard thing we face is meant to be a testimony of God’s love and grace in our lives. It’s so hard to be open, but you never know how it may help others in their walk with Christ.
In middle school, I started to realize that I was a bit different. I wasn’t athletic; I was introverted, and I didn’t have many friends. So halfway through my seventh grade year, my parents took me out of public school and put me in a private, Christian school where I was able to begin blossoming into the person God had created me to be.
I was surrounded by students who were like me, teachers who cared deeply about my personal life, and a variety of people who encouraged me in my talents. This was SO important for my spiritual and personal development. School became like a second church where I realized how important it is to be surrounded by a community of people striving to be like Christ.
After attending Christian school for three years, I had matured immensely in my faith, and after hearing a sermon by a fellow upperclassmen, I decided it was time to “look straight at Jesus, and step out onto the water” just as Jesus had commanded Peter. For me, this meant going back to public school, which was both exciting and terrifying. I was being thrown into a secular environment with a school and student body population that seemed 7,000x larger than what I had been used to.
I learned to trust God with scary experiences and new environments. Even when surroundings change, God stays the same.
After entering my new school, I began dating my very first boyfriend, which was an exciting new experience for me. We dated for nearly a year and a half. It was what you might consider a roller coaster relationship. Some days were great, and some days left me feeling confused, emotionally drained, and unappreciated.
I finally realized that this relationship was unhealthy and had completely drained my energy. This couldn’t be where God wanted me, and after months of going back and forth with him about it, the decision was enforced and mutual. I’m not going to lie; it was hard. In that year and a half, I had grown very comfortable, and even though I knew the decision was more than right, it still wasn’t easy.
However, leaving that relationship grew my faith in more ways than I could have ever imagined. In this past year, I have been able to focus so much more on my relationship with Christ, and I have learned to rely completely on Him. I’ve been able to focus more on my studies, spend more time with my family and friends, and put my energy into things that I enjoy.
This entire experience taught me that my worth is found in God and God alone. Leaving a circumstance that I had become so comfortable with taught me that God is constant and sovereign through it all.
And now, here I am. I’m a high school senior, about to head off to college.
YIKES. (Please excuse me while I go hyperventilate.)
I’m needing to trust God with my present and future all at once!
Having introverted tendencies means I LOVE to be at home. But soon, I will be moving into my college dorm room. It will be a new home, just not the home that I’m used to.
That’s freaky! I won’t be able to call Dad and have him come down to my room when I’m sick in the middle of the night. I won’t have Mom yell at me to do my chores. I won’t have my sister bossing me around one minute only to have me rolling on the floor laughing the next.
I’m going to be three hours away, studying what I have an immense passion for–people with special needs. Some people think I’m crazy for wanting to do this with my life, because it isn’t exactly a money-maker. But honestly, if God put such a strong passion in my heart for these people, why would I want to do anything else?! If this is where He is calling me, then He will provide.
Though I may not be quite to this point in my life yet, I am trusting God with my future. I have to remember that even though I can only see a piece of my life, God can see the whole puzzle.
When you learn to trust God through every circumstance—every nook and cranny of your life—He takes you on an unimaginable adventure! In the moment, trusting Him is so hard, but when you look back, I promise it’s worth it and you won’t regret it.
God is good.
God is sovereign.
God is constant.
God is worthy of our trust.
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