I was supposed to marry him. I was supposed to become a medical professional. We were supposed to have a perfect little Christian life together. All of my plans suddenly slipped through my fingers like sand.
I was blessed to grow up in a Christian home with parents that love
and follow Jesus. I loved my time in kids’ ministry; the youth group
was my social life in high school. When I reached the end of high
school I thought that I had it all together. I had a Christian
boyfriend, I was graduating with 4.00+ grade point average,
and I was headed to the private Christian university I had anticipated for years.
I managed to keep my “perfect” little life together for a couple of years. Then halfway through college my boyfriend and I broke up; I had no idea what career to pursue and no direction for my life. I was supposed to marry him. I was supposed to become a medical professional. We were supposed to have a perfect little Christian life together. All of my plans suddenly slipped through my fingers like sand. I feared not knowing what lay ahead.
In the months that followed, my cries turned from “God, why?” to “God, what now?” He began to reveal that the life He desired for me is so much more than the life I had planned for myself! He was calling me deeper into my walk with Him. I realized that God doesn’t want me to live a perfect Christian life that’s wrapped up with a bow on top. He longs for me to passionately pursue Him and a life that reflects Christ.
Slowly things began to change. My heart grew more generous. I made new friendships. I found a new passion for my career field. I prayed fervently for God to do His will in my life. Then God truly set my life on a new course when a friendship at school began to develop into something more. Brad didn’t look anything like the guys I had dated in the past, which was just what I needed. He took me by the hand and said, “Let’s chase after Jesus together. I’ll lead the way.”
We got married shortly after college and moved to Springfield, MO, where God led us to help plant a church in our community. During our time there, Brad felt called to seminary. I thought to myself, “Seminary?! But that means I’d have to be a pastor’s wife! I’m not cut out to be a pastor’s wife! I’m not knowledgeable enough. I’m not nice enough. I’m not likable enough. I don’t sing in the worship band! [Insert other irrational excuses here.]” It was impossible. I feared being put in that position. Once again, God reminded me that He doesn’t call me to an easy, comfortable life. He’s calling me to live a life that’s impossible without Him!
Two years later, God brought us to Kansas City in a far better way than we could have ever planned. Brad is about halfway through seminary at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and we are serving at Pleasant Valley Baptist Church. When I start to feel fearful about my present situation or the future, I turn to the words Paul wrote to encourage Timothy, “ . . . for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Tim. 1:7). When I feel fearful, God empowers me. When I feel loveless, He reminds me of His unending love. When my life feels out of control, God reminds me that He holds all things together. We’re not sure what our next step will be, but we know that God does, and He is faithful.
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