Anxious

Worship X Day 11 From Eternity To Eternity

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Read His Words Before Ours!

Psalm 103
Deuteronomy 6:10-12
Deuteronomy 8:11-20
Psalm 25:8-11
Isaiah 40:28-31

Worship X, Day 11

Day 1
As I sit to write today’s Journey Study, physical and emotional tiredness are my companions. Thankfully, tomorrow is a new day and His mercies are new every morning.

“[Your mercies] are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness!” (Lamentations 3:23)
His promise allows me to let the events of the day drain away while focusing on the truth found in His Word.

The truth in Psalm 103 is a solid reminder while my body is ready for rest and a new day, His mercies for today are still active.

“My soul, bless the LORD,
and all that is within me, bless His holy name.
My soul, bless the LORD,
and do not forget all His benefits.” (Psalm 103:1-2)
Tiredness begins to melt away as my focus shifts from myself to the truth of the Lord. The tension in my shoulders eases as I ponder His benefits.

“The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in faithful love.” (Psalm 103:8)
Thank You, Lord, for Your compassion, grace, and slowness to anger. I am so undeserving of those, especially today when I failed to extend the same to my husband. Please forgive me.

“He has not dealt with us as our sins deserve
or repaid us according to our iniquities.” (Psalm 103:10)
Thank You for Your forgiveness, for not repaying me according to what I deserve.

“He satisfies you with good things;
Your youth is renewed like the eagle.” (Psalm 103:5)
Thank You for renewing my youth and my strength, so I can “run and not become weary [. . .] walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31) when I wait on You. This, too, is one of Your mercies for today. Help me wait on You and experience Your energizing presence.

Lord, You have poured out so many benefits, yet how often do we fail to thank You for all the ways You demonstrate Your love towards us?

I’m not sure I actually want to answer that question.
But I can choose to make tomorrow and each subsequent day different.

Day 2
I set alarms today on my phone. Four of them.
When they sounded throughout my day, I intended to pause and focus on the Lord and the truth of Psalm 103.

When the first alarm rang, I remembered my conviction, paused to say a quick thank You for my current blessings, and continued on with my day.

A short while later I snapped at my husband in conversation and the words of Psalm 103:2 wafted through my mind, “do not forget all His benefits.”

Ugh. My fleshly heart rebelled at the gentle conviction of the Lord through His Word.

My study of this verse revealed connections to Deuteronomy.
Deuteronomy 6:12 reminded the Israelites, in the midst of their materiel bounty,
“[B]e careful not to forget the LORD who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the place of slavery.”

Two chapters later, Deuteronomy 8:11 reiterates,
“Be careful that you don’t forget the LORD your God by failing to keep his commands, ordinances, and statutes that I am giving you today.”

Understanding began to dawn. I’d said thank you to the Lord for His benefits to me with the first alarm, but quickly forgot Him by failing to follow His commands to show His mercies to others.

With the next alarm, my heart posture stretched a bit deeper.

Thank You, God, for forgiving me. Please help me to demonstrate my love for my husband and respect him with my words and tone.

This encounter with the Lord didn’t fade into the background of my day. Much like the eased tension of the previous night, my emotional and physical reactions softened. I sensed the Holy Spirit within me, helping me as I surrendered more fully to Him.

The third alarm was set for late afternoon. Reflecting on the impactful second alarm, I felt anticipation growing. What would You speak to me during this moment of encounter, Lord?

As I waited for late afternoon to arrive, the words of Psalm 103:17 lovingly wrapped themselves around my heart.
“But from eternity to eternity
The LORD’s faithful love is toward those who fear Him[.]”

Psalm 25:10 echoes,
“All the LORD’s ways show faithful love and truth
To those who keep his covenant and decrees.”
He is faithful to us now, and promises His faithfulness will extend to eternity.

This brought such hope to my heart; no matter the circumstances awaiting us in this lifetime,
if we seek the Lord, He will faithfully walk with us.

We can thank Him for the hard times with confidence.
We can rejoice in today.
We can praise Him for all of His benefits.

In the Lord’s divine multiplication, when we praise Him
from the depths of who we are
for who He is, He is honored and we are helped.
He is worthy of worship now and for eternity!

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Training Day 13 Much More Than

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Read His Words Before Ours!

Revelation 5:8-14
Psalm 100
Romans 12:1-2
John 4:23-24
Colossians 3:23-24

Training, Day 13

I’m ready for another summer vacation. But, y’all, in all honesty, packing hasn’t always been easy. I pack way too much! Several weeks ago, I tried packing “only essentials” for the first time. Talk about anxiety overload!

It’s the same with WORSHIP. Worship is much more than songs and encompasses far more than we could understand. For today, we’ll only discuss a few aspects; however, worship is an ongoing conversation at Gracefully Truthful, and we’d love for you to join us here!

To fully understand worship as more than music, we must first realize what worship is not. It is not entertainment. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good concert! Watching and listening to an artist in-person creates an explosive, exciting atmosphere. The music is, well, WOW; so surreal. Still, this experience does NOT yield the Presence of God! 

Are you ready to unpack worship?

Worship is a relationship-building lifestyle, not just an experience.

Worship should bring us closer to the heart of our Father as our sin and defenses are surrendered to the God who loves us!

“For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear. Instead, you received the spirit of adoption, by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father!’” (Romans 8:14-15)

When we’re closer to Abba Father, we call this “relationship,” and worship becomes a function of our hearts!

Worship glorifies our Creator.

We were created in His image. (Genesis 1:27) Our worship is the very breath of God inside us. In this fellowship, or relationship, we reach the highest point of communion with our Creator. (Revelation 4:11) It is the reason we were created and the most important purpose of our eternal calling.

Worship points us to the heart of the Father. 

We worship God because He is worthy; He is greater than anything or anyone. (Revelation 5:8-14) As we know Him more, understanding His love and power, we are drawn into worship, for our Father’s heart is revealed.

Worship is the sacrifice of our total selves.

The beginning of worship is praise. When we praise Him, we celebrate both what He does and Who He is! (Psalm 100) Our heart-atmosphere begins shifting toward worship. Here, we can fully surrender to Him, sacrificing ourselves as we trust our Father. In surrender, our heart attitude moves toward repentance and reverence for His holiness. (Exodus 34:5-9)

Worship strengthens and rejuvenates our inner being. 

Many of us move through different seasons in life. The one constant is “Jesus Christ [who] is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)

In our dry season, He is our Living Water! (John 4:10-14)
In our hungry season, He is our Bread! (John 6:35)
In need, He is our Provider. (Philippians 4:19)
Through uncertainty, He is our Firm Foundation. (1 Corinthians 3:11)
In weakness, He is our Strength. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
In every season, He is our Guide in the darkness, our Light. (John 8:12)

My sweet friends, let’s celebrate Him! Our prayer, praise, and worship should not fluctuate in any season of life, but remain constant, fixed on our Father. He faithfully refreshes us from the inside out.

Worship encompasses obedience.

When King Uzziah of ancient Judah sought and obeyed God, he had success in battling Judah’s enemies. (2 Chronicles 26:1-15) Later, Uzziah became prideful and unfaithful through blatant disobedience to God’s instructions for holy worship, which “led to his own destruction.” (2 Chronicles 26: 16-21) Obedience, we learn, is an important aspect of worship.

How does God instruct us to worship?
“Shout for joy” (Psalm 98:4)
“Bless the Lord at all times” (Psalm 34:1)
“Sing to the Lord, bless His Name” (Psalm 96:2)
Sister, let’s choose to worship with obedience!

Worship encompasses respect for God.

When we worship the Lord, we do so with respect, reverence, and awe.
Moses removed his sandals when standing on “holy ground.” (Exodus 3:5)
King Darius instructed his kingdom to revere the true God of Daniel. (Daniel 6:26-27)

Reverence brings surrender, our response to His love. It acknowledges our trust in the One Who created us, and ultimately glorifies the One Who has given Himself for us! This is true worship.

Finally, worship encompasses celebration.

In Luke 15:11-32, Jesus tells a parable, a word picture painted to represent His fatherly love toward us: a boy left home as a wayward prodigal and returned as a repentant son. With open arms, his father welcomed his son home. This was a time for celebration!

Zephaniah 3:17 gives another glimpse of God’s celebration over His people.
“He will rejoice over you with gladness [. . .]
He will delight in you with singing.”

When we follow His example, celebration acknowledges the goodness and mercy of God through worship.

See, I told y’all about my packing. Worship is “packed full,” and while we’ve only skimmed its surface today, I pray God uses these principles to guide and empower each of us to worship in Spirit and in truth!

[Oh, before you go, I haven’t quite finished unpacking. Shuffle through this Spotify playlist; it’s chock-full of worship music. Where will worship lead you? Remember it’s His breath in our lungs!]

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Training Day 5 Just Being

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Read His Words Before Ours!

Psalm 139
Luke 5:15–16
Luke 6:12-16
Mark 1:35–39
Matthew 11:28–30

Training, Day 5

As disciples, we often learn about the works of Jesus. We study what He did.

We also notice the words of Jesus. Many of us have Bibles with His words in red, highlighting their importance.

In a recent discipleship seminar, I was encouraged to notice the ways of Jesus, learning not just from His public ministry and message, but also from the way Jesus lived His life. With this idea in mind as I read the gospels, I’ve discovered truth I hadn’t noticed before.

For instance, a little verse at the beginning of Matthew 13 caught my attention. The preceding verses describe Jesus teaching crowds of people and confronting the religious leaders. The following verses talk about Jesus teaching such a large crowd, He used a boat as a platform while the people listened from the shore. But between these big ministry moments, Jesus stole time to sit by the lake, alone. (Matthew 13:1)

In fact, Jesus often made time to be alone, even though He was busy and crowds constantly followed Him.
“Yet He often withdrew to deserted places and prayed.” (Luke 5:16)
It was His way. Jesus spent time in solitude.

When was the last time you sat alone, without distraction? The television off, the radio silent, the kids with a babysitter, your phone out of reach. Alone with God, to work through your thoughts, feelings, and memories. It can be a very uncomfortable place.

We don’t make space for solitude very often; life is too busy, right? There is always something to do: good, meaningful, and important things. As soon as the house is clean, the laundry done, and a meal prepared, someone has made a mess, gotten dirty, and is hungry again. Between home, work, and church, the responsibilities of life are relentless. But Jesus didn’t use this as an excuse.

I did.

Early last year I had a significant mental health event. That’s hard to admit. I think of myself as a strong, capable person. I was very busy, but I had everything under control. At least, I thought I did. I developed chest pain and was admitted to coronary care. After four days of uncomfortable tests, my heart was given a clean bill of health and I was diagnosed with vicarious trauma.

I worked in my church as a pastoral carer, supporting those who were sick and grieving. I spent my days visiting, making phone calls, and praying with people. It was a wonderful privilege to represent the comfort of Jesus to those who were walking through life’s most difficult circumstances. I was good at my job, and I loved it. Yet over time, as I was exposed to the trauma of others without giving myself the time to process what I was witnessing, I began to develop trauma symptoms myself.

My Christian counselor prescribed a powerful therapy for my recovery: solitude. Seriously, that was her recovery plan. She told me to spend time alone with Jesus. Not busy time “doing” my devotions. But “wasted” time, just sitting, being with Jesus. It was difficult.

As I sat in silence, the thoughts that emerged were ugly: memories of pain, feelings of guilt and regret, fear and anxiety. It was hard work. But, inviting Jesus to shine a light into the dark corners of my heart in the quietness of my pain was the best medicine. In time, the knot in my chest unraveled as I submitted all to Christ, and He healed my weary soul.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) What a wonderful invitation. If only we weren’t too busy to accept.

Solitude is a discipline. It doesn’t come easily to many of us. Our modern world is full of distractions and interruptions. We are constantly bombarded with cries for our attention. It honestly feels irresponsible to take time to sit quietly and appear to do nothing. Yet, this is where healing comes. This is where we find the rest our souls so desperately seek.

I now have a practice of having a morning coffee with Jesus. It takes around ten to fifteen minutes. Often, it is after I’ve read my Bible and prayed through my list, but sometimes, I sit with Jesus first.

I find it easier when I have a cup of coffee in my hands. I’m less likely to reach for my phone. I also try to be outside or by a window where I can see the sky and the beauty of creation so I don’t get distracted by dirty dishes or the dusty floor.

I often use the end of Psalm 139 as a prayer.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.” (Psalm 139:23–24)

I allow God to sift through my thoughts, good and bad. Somehow, I walk away from solitude lighter, more joyful, and with the best creative ideas.

I hope you are able to “waste” some time alone with Jesus today.

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Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!

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Waiting Day 12 Victorious Patience: Digging Deeper

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Digging Deeper Days

Finding the original intent of Scripture and making good application to our everyday lives as we become equipped to correctly handle the Word of Truth!

Yesterday’s Journey Study connects with today’s!
Check out Victorious Patience!

The Questions

1) What events had preceded the gathering of the disciples that evening? (verse 19)

2) Why did the disciples fear the Jews? (verse 19)

3) What did Jesus offer the anxious group and what was their response? (verse 20)

John 20:19-20

19 When it was evening on that first day of the week, the disciples were gathered together with the doors locked because they feared the Jews. Jesus came, stood among them, and said to them, “Peace be with you. 20 Having said this, he showed them his hands and his side. So the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.”

Original Intent

1) What events had preceded the gathering of the disciples that evening? (verse 19)
Their Master, the one called Jesus, had died three days before. John tells us what happened in John 19:16-19 . “When they took Jesus away. Carrying the cross by Himself, He went out to what is called Place of the Skull, which in Aramaic is called Golgotha. There they crucified Him and two others with Him, one on either side, with Jesus in the middle. Pilate also had a sign made and put on the cross. It said: Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews.” Jesus had walked alongside most of those who had gathered for three years in ministry. Some had known Him all His life like His half-siblings and mother. He had been their teacher and had shown them the way to God. (John 14:9) Even though the kings and prophets of old had foretold the events of Jesus’ death and resurrection (Psalm 22:1 and Isaiah 53), even those who followed Jesus had misunderstood. Together with the crowd who often followed Jesus, they had continued to believe He would bring an earthly kingdom to help them escape Roman oppression. (Matthew 21:9-11) Even the disciples closest to Jesus had misinterpreted His kingdom. (Matthew 20:20-22, Mark 10:38-40) There were moments His close friends had seemed to be willing to die with Jesus in a rebellion against Roman tyranny. (Mark 14:46-47) But this was not the way of the Messiah. He tried to explain it to them repeatedly, but it was hard to hear and understand when their thinking was focused on a different end goal. (John 14-16) His death likely stunned many of them even though He had told them several times He would soon die. (Matthew 16:21-23, Mark 8:31-32, Mark 9:30-32, Luke 9:21-22) Some friends had indicated Jesus was now alive, and as they gathered, they surely wondered about all these things. (John 20:3-10) Waiting.

2) Why did the disciples fear the Jews? (verse 19)
Jewish traditions surrounding death give us insight into cultural customs that may be unfamiliar to us. “Following the death of a family member, Jewish families observe strict Jewish mourning traditions. The purpose of these traditions is to allow for a full expression of grief.” (Jewish Mourning Customs) Study help on verse 19 says, “the fact that the disciples locked the doors is a perfectly understandable reaction to the events of the past few days.” Likely perplexed by all the events, they had gathered behind securely fastened doors. Possibly they were discussing the women’s reported sighting of angels, or what Peter, John, and Mary had witnessed. Even though Jesus had told Mary He would meet them in Jerusalem (Matthew 28:5-7), they appeared to be hiding from Jewish leaders. The text says they locked the doors “because they feared the Jews.” Though there is much to possibly speculate, we must not conclude more than in this scene. They may have feared other threats, but we know for certain they were afraid of their own people, the Jews, because that’s what Scripture records. Yet there also seems to be a unity being formed among this group. They were “gathered.” They hadn’t run away, dispersing to hide in solitude. Neither had their anxiety driven them to flee Jerusalem. There must have been something about this day that prompted them to be together despite their fear. Was it the hope that maybe there was more to the story? Saints of old had come to believe there was more. (Luke 2:25-26, 38) What had been happening for hundreds of years was now happening in that very room. Glimpses of hope collided with anxious thoughts and agonizing recollections of the last few days. Was Jesus really alive? Was He the Messiah they had longed for? Waiting.

3) What did Jesus offer the anxious group and what was their response? (verse 20) “Jesus came, stood among them, and said…” (verse 19) This is unbelievable! Jesus was suddenly present. The variety of reports had most assuredly affected those gathered in that room, but now their shock and skepticism were replaced with a fierce hope. Their Master was WITH them. And He offered them peace from their fear and worry. Did they flash back to that last meal with Him when He washed their feet? This was the One who loved them so well. I appreciate how this scene provides insight into the effectiveness of Jesus’ prayer for them. “The world hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I am not praying that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth… I am in them and You are in Me, so that they may be made completely one, that the world may know you have sent Me and have loved them as You have loved Me.” (John 17:14-26) Guzik reminds us “It was good that the disciples stayed together. Jesus told them that when He departed they must love one another, which assumes that they would stay together. He also prayed for their unity after their departure. This command was fulfilled, and prayer was answered in the days immediately after His crucifixion.” (EnduringWord.com) Jesus spoke to them, He showed them His wounds, and He comforted them by His present nearness. They had been waiting, it was hope deferred. Now Jesus was present, it was Hope alive.

Everyday Application

1) What events had preceded the gathering of the disciples that evening? (verse 19)
Scripture tells us Joseph of Arimathea was a member of the Sanhedrin. After Jesus’ death, Joseph risked his reputation, and possibly his life, to go to the Roman governor, Pilate, requesting Jesus’ body. (Luke 23:50-52, John 19:38) Sometimes when we wait, we find ourselves conflicted. We may fear the future, but we also recall the past and know we’ve experienced something extraordinary about Jesus. As was Jewish custom, Joseph wrapped Jesus’ body. Because it was nearly the Sabbath, he couldn’t complete the full burial process, so he hurriedly placed Him in one of his own tombs, fulfilling Isaiah’s prophecy in Isaiah 53:9. Considering how often Old Testament stories include trusting God while waiting, it’s no wonder the theme of waiting is continued after Jesus’ death. Those who had watched Jesus closely in the days leading up to His death had much to consider. As the saints of God continue to wait for Jesus’ final and ultimate return, we can all relate to the disciples’ fear and confusion. In these days of chaos and unknowns, we are tempted to huddle together with other believers and lock the door. Yet, at the same time, we know. We’ve witnessed in our own souls the power of the resurrection! Like Simeon, the Spirit has revealed to us the truth about our future. He could never have waited so patiently in faith without the Holy Spirit’s power and wisdom. (Luke 2:25-32) Expectant hope has always been supernatural. Sister, as we seek to partner together through the Word and prayer, we are jointly cultivating a habit of patience by trusting God’s Word and the work of the Spirit in our lives. Although waiting is often difficult, hopeful patience is not unattainable. Let’s confess our anxious hearts for the Spirit within us is producing patience in our waiting! (Galatians 5:22-23)

2) Why did the disciples fear the Jews? (verse 19)
People who put their hope in Jesus are growing into being people of eager expectation. The world is scary. We can’t know for sure that our faith in Jesus will be met with receptivity as we live it out and share it with others. We have all seen the hatred and anger some have toward the gospel message and the truth of Jesus. Yet we continue to serve and love those around us with an eye turned toward heaven and our glorious future. We are people who daily live with a longing and assurance that our hope will become realized. The Old and New Testaments are full of promises about the return of Jesus Christ. Of the 260 chapters in the New Testament, there are more than 300 references to the Lord’s return. For every prophecy regarding the first appearing of Christ as man, there are eight on His second appearing as Judge and King. (preceptaustin.org) This should give you reason to rejoice, my sweet friend. There will be days you wake up with anxious thoughts. You’ll have to fight your fear. Personally, the last month has been a brutal season of waiting for me. Yet I have resolved to know that Jesus is real and near even when my humanity cries out in pain. Where are you, Jesus?! You promised Your presence in the waiting, but You feel so far. The disciples could not have known how very close Jesus actually was. They knew what appeared to be. Then suddenly everything was different in the room. Emmanuel. God with us. “Peace be with you, my daughter” Jesus says to our souls. “Remember, I am WITH you. Always and to the end of the age.” (Mathew 28:20)

3) What did Jesus offer the anxious group and what was their response? (verse 20)
Jesus was indeed alive. And His word for them was, PEACE. Years ago, a song came on the Christian music scene that portrayed the possible angst of Peter, one of Jesus’ disciples. It describes well the feeling we all may have at one time or another as we wait for Jesus to show up and speak peace to our weary souls. As you consider its words, be encouraged that the nearness of the same Savior is available to each of us if we reach out in faith!
Back inside the house again the guilt and anguish came.
Everything I’d promised Him just added to my shame.
When at last it came to choices I’d denied I knew His name.
Even if He was alive it wouldn’t be the same.
Suddenly the air was filled with strange and sweet perfume.
Light that came from everywhere drove shadows from the room.
Jesus stood before me with His arms held open wide.
And I fell down on my knees and just clung to Him and cried.
He raised me to my feet and as I looked into His eyes.
Love was shining out from Him like sunlight from the skies.
Guilt in my confusion disappeared in sweet release, and every fear I’d ever had just melted into peace.
He’s alive.
(He’s Alive, by Don Francisco)

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Digging Deeper is for Everyone!

1) Take this passage (or any other passage).
2) Read it, and the verses around it,
several times
3) Write down your questions
as you think of them.
4) Ask specific culture related questions and be ready to dig around for your answers. Google them, use www.studylight.org, or look them up in a study Bible and read the footnotes (click on the little letters next to a word and it will show you
other related verses!). (www.esvbible.org)
5) Check your applications with other trusted Christians that you are in community with and embrace the fullness of God
in your everyday!

Digging Deeper Community

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Why Dig Deeper?

Finding the original meaning is a huge deal when we study Scripture and can make all the difference in our understanding as we apply God’s truths to our everyday lives.

In our modern-day relationships, we want people to understand our original intention as we communicate; how much more so between God and humanity?!

Here’s a little bit more on why we take Digging Deeper so seriously.

Study Tools

We love getting help while we study and www.studylight.org is one of many excellent resources, providing the original Hebrew (Old Testament) or Greek (New Testament) with an English translation.

Want to know more about a specific word in a verse? Click on “Strong’s Interlinear Bible” then click the word you’d like to study. Discover “origin”, “definition” and hear the original pronunciation – That Is Awesome!

Want more background? Click “Study Tools”, then pick a few commentaries to read their scholarly approach, keeping in mind that just because a commentary says it, doesn’t mean it’s true. (just like the internet :-))

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Waiting Day 4 Valuable Lessons: Digging Deeper

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Digging Deeper Days

Finding the original intent of Scripture and making good application to our everyday lives as we become equipped to correctly handle the Word of Truth!

Yesterday’s Journey Study connects with today’s!
Check out Valuable Lessons!

The Questions

1) Why is David lamenting and pleading with God?

2) What key requests did David make of the Lord? (verse 3)

3) Are we allowed to plead with God and speak to Him of our anxieties and anguish over our situation or frustration with Him?

Psalm 13

1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long will I store up anxious concerns within me,
agony in my mind every day?
How long will my enemy dominate me?

3 Consider me and answer, Lord my God.
Restore brightness to my eyes;
otherwise, I will sleep in death.
4 My enemy will say, “I have triumphed over him,”
and my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.

5 But I have trusted in your faithful love;
my heart will rejoice in your deliverance.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he has treated me generously.

Original Intent

1) Why is David lamenting and pleading with God?
The subject of Psalm 13 is almost the same as Psalm 12; go ahead and read them both together for greater insight! David is in deep distress, overwhelmed by a long succession of calamities and multiple afflictions. He pleads with God, “How long, Lord?” (verse 1) David was hated by many primarily as a result from King Saul circulating false reports against him. Saul felt threatened by David’s rightful anointing as the next king of Israel. (1 Samuel 16:11-13) David was a hunted man and hid himself and his men in caves for years to escape King Saul’s death threats. David’s sense of oppression overwhelmed him to the point of depression and despondency; the anointed one of God felt God Himself had neglected him. In the face of dire afflictions, a willingness to acknowledge the realities of God’s presence and His constant care run counter to humanity’s despairing and unbelieving nature. David’s clouded, anxious mind couldn’t lay hold of the ray of hope held out by the Unseen God, so he achingly cries out for surely, God no longer remembered nor cared for him. We feel David’s intense pain and ravaging despair as we read “How long, Lord?” four times in this short psalm. Would God’s rescue never free him from his terrible, crushing burdens? Though David had experienced God’s presence and provision many times in his life, now in the heat of lengthy waiting and the threat of his life, David feels cut off from God; his suffering soul wades into deep depression as he feels he is on the “losing side” (verse 4). By David’s timing, the Lord must soon rescue in order to avoid two disasters, David’s death and the boast of his enemy over him. Where were God’s promised blessings of protection, grace, and peace now? (Numbers 6:24-26)

2) What key requests did David make of the Lord? (verse 3)
Despite his desperation and doubt, David demonstrates faith by crying out to God. David hopelessly looks around and sees his life devoured on all sides, yet he still, with faith, calls out to God. His brutally honest cry of faith opens the door for God to bring peace and for His Spirit to remind David of truth; he is secure in the hand of God. If David had no faith, it would be impossible for him to direct his thoughts and prayers to the Almighty God. Verse 3 provides three specific pleadings to the Lord demonstrating David’s faith while he waits for the Lord. Consider. In Hebrew, נָבַט, means to look intently upon with delighted pleasure and care. Because David feels God has hidden His face, he emplores God to look intently upon him. Think of a spouse gazing intently with love on the other, or of a parent lovingly looking upon their adored child. Isaiah prayed a similar request in Isaiah 63:15, as did the nation of Israel in Deuteronomy 26:15. Answer. עָנָה is the Hebrew word meaning “respond with speaking or loud declaring (shouting)”. It also denotes answering through singing, which is especially interesting as other places in Scripture mention the Lord singing over His people. (Psalm 42:8, Zephaniah 3:17) Like a love song, God’s answers soothe our anguish, reminding us of truth. Restore. The Hebrew word אוֹר translated in CSB (Christian Standard Bible) as restore is more closely translated as enlighten meaning “to bring light, to make shine, or light up”. Where David’s eyes, and his life, were once bright and full, they now need help to brighten. His light for life needs restored, so David calls out to the Source of Light Himself, God. He knows it’s only by God’s favor that his light will be restored.

3) Are we allowed to plead with God and speak to Him of our anxieties and anguish over our situation or frustration with Him?
As David demonstrated with full transparency, passionately pleading with God is a good thing! Not only did God preserve this specific prayer of despair in His Word, but He also preserved many other psalms of lament that depict hard honest questions. In fact, Scripture reflects this honest wrestling with God in places all throughout the Bible from beginning to end. (check out Jeremiah, Lamentations, and Habakkuk (with a GT Journey Theme!) for a few examples!) God never responds to honest prayer with mockery, shaming, or rejection. He desires truth in the inmost places. (Psalm 51:6) God wants us to pray with all the sincerity and passion inside of us. Psalm 13 is categorized in Scripture as a “song of lament”, meaning it describes deep anguishing cries to the Lord as the writer unburdens his soul to the Lord. Laments are common in Scripture and are given as a tool meant to help God’s people navigate pain, suffering, and heartache when answers seem non-existent. (Mark Vroegop) The lament is a vitally important prayer for God’s people because it provides a model for petitioning the Almighty, gives space to freely express pain, and then, blessedly, offers a pathway towards praise and an invitation to anchor in truth regardless of feelings. The lament is a road of trust between the believer and God in our darkest days. God provided that lament to His people, and preserved it in His Word, because He desires us to know how deeply He cares for us. In the middle of David’s pain was a God who wanted to hear David’s cries and the pain hidden away in the deepest places of his heart. Here in the heartache, God allowed the lament to give way to a space where David could enjoy God and rest in truth.

Everyday Application

1) Why is David lamenting and pleading with God?
We each have, or will, walk through seasons of intense pressing multiple times in life. In today’s language we would say David was depressed, feeling heavy inside from deep, persisting sadness affecting his relationships, his perceptions, and even his routine activities. Severe depression can cause persons to wish for death as means to escape the physical or emotional pain of what feels like an impossible-to-win battle. Mental health is nothing to take lightly. If you, or someone you love is suffering from depression, walk alongside them, pray for and with them, and encourage them to seek professional care. If King David, who God declared to be a man after His own heart (Acts 13:22), struggled so deeply and was not shamed or told “to get over it” or worse, “just pray about it”, we should be encouraged that we are not alone and can love others well through mental illness. Whether you suffer from depression or not, you’ve likely felt, like David, as if you were in a losing battle with no good outcome in sight. It’s easy to succumb to fear and a sense of being overwhelmed in these times, especially if we know our enemy would rejoice over our defeat and take pleasure in our pain. As in all seasons of waiting and struggle, the Lord has good purposes to show us more of Himself if we will call out to Him. (Jeremiah 33:3) We can courageously obey the Lord’s counterintuitive command to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44) while we prayerfully commit our ways to the Lord, which brings “healing for your body and strengthening for your bones” (Proverbs 3:5-8). There’s more hope for us in the midst of being “pressed down” internally; let’s keep reading to discover God’s heart!

2) What key requests did David make of the Lord? (verse 3)
While most of us don’t have an army hunting us down, we have certainly all experienced seasons of waiting where God seems distant and emptiness overcomes us. Our despair traps us into believing we are foolish to expect God to answer because He has “hidden His face” from us. (verse 2) We pray, but God doesn’t seem to answer. We read Scripture, but God doesn’t seem to speak. We seek Him, but it’s as if He is hiding. We are in good company with the gut-honest psalmist! In this place of darkness, there is a remedy; we can pray specifically to the God who seems far away. Through faith, we can choose to trust what He says is true about Himself. Whether we feel these truths or not is irrelevant, they are true regardless and rehearsing truth quells the lies we consume. Where to discover these life-giving truths? Open God’s Word; every single word of it is true. When we come to it, humbly and honestly in prayer as David did, God will faithfully, slowly and patiently, show us Himself and restore our light of life. Through faith, we cling to unchanging hope, confidently knowing that, as we pour out our deepest groanings to God, He will lessen our anguish. He will replace light with darkness and joy for weeping. (Psalm 125:5-6) When it seems God has turned His face away, we must deliberately fight back against the tide threatening to overtake us with simple, honest prayers of faith. Take back ground from the enemy’s lies one truth at a time. We are loved with unfailing love. (Deuteronomy 33:27) God will never forsake us. (Deuteronomy 31:6) We belong; we are His and He is ours. (Psalm 95:7) His grace and love towards those who trust Him, never changes. (Ephesians 1:3-6) Our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness! (1 Peter 1:18-19)

3) Are we allowed to plead with God and speak to Him of our anxieties and anguish over our situation or frustration with Him?
YES, YES, and YES! While God already knows our hearts (Psalm 139:2), He desires a deep relationship with us. Many life issues, especially crisis situations, naturally lead us to plead with God. We beg for mercy, for God to see our pain and act on our behalf. The psalms are full of this! Consider this your invitation to read a psalm every day this week and explore God’s heart! Waiting for the Lord’s perfect timing and learning to trust Him is HARD work mentally, emotionally, and even physically. When we feel overlooked or forgotten, trusting Him and the truths He has given is a struggle! We prefer quick healing and immediate, specific solutions. But, because the Lord cares most about our heart relationship with Him, the Lord often answers our pleadings with “wait”. “I am certain that I will see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart be courageous. Wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:13-14) God wants to cultivate a totally devoted faith in Him alone, even if we feel bereft and unseen, and He uses our dark days to accomplish this work. We may or may not receive an immediate answer, but His comfort through His Spirit is guaranteed no matter the circumstance! (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) Nothing surpasses the peace and joy that comes from knowing truth. “If God is for us, who could be against us?” (Romans 8:31) Cry out, Sister! Bear your soul to the One who cares for you! (1 Peter 5:7) Follow David’s model of lament and discover the pathway to peace, joy, and comfort in the midst of pain. Remember: 1) God is working all the time. 2) God’s purposes will not be thwarted by pain; He will prevail! 3) There is true joy in the midst of hardship if we lean on truth!

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Digging Deeper is for Everyone!

1) Take this passage (or any other passage).
2) Read it, and the verses around it,
several times
3) Write down your questions
as you think of them.
4) Ask specific culture related questions and be ready to dig around for your answers. Google them, use www.studylight.org, or look them up in a study Bible and read the footnotes (click on the little letters next to a word and it will show you
other related verses!). (www.esvbible.org)
5) Check your applications with other trusted Christians that you are in community with and embrace the fullness of God
in your everyday!

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Why Dig Deeper?

Finding the original meaning is a huge deal when we study Scripture and can make all the difference in our understanding as we apply God’s truths to our everyday lives.

In our modern-day relationships, we want people to understand our original intention as we communicate; how much more so between God and humanity?!

Here’s a little bit more on why we take Digging Deeper so seriously.

Study Tools

We love getting help while we study and www.studylight.org is one of many excellent resources, providing the original Hebrew (Old Testament) or Greek (New Testament) with an English translation.

Want to know more about a specific word in a verse? Click on “Strong’s Interlinear Bible” then click the word you’d like to study. Discover “origin”, “definition” and hear the original pronunciation – That Is Awesome!

Want more background? Click “Study Tools”, then pick a few commentaries to read their scholarly approach, keeping in mind that just because a commentary says it, doesn’t mean it’s true. (just like the internet :-))

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Ready Day 10 Until The Trumpet Sounds

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Read His Words Before Ours!

1 Thessalonians 4:14-5:28
Ephesians 5:1-21
2 Corinthians 4:7-18
Revelation 7:9-17
Revelation 21:1-7

Ready, Day 10

As a mom of 4 girls, I have jokingly shared with friends that I pray Jesus comes back before my daughters hit the lovely stage of life called adolescence. I don’t want to ride that emotional rollercoaster, not even once, let alone FOUR times in a row.

Yet, here I am.  Deep in the trenches of estrogen and girl drama.

I’m still holding out hope for Jesus to make His appearance before my oldest heads to middle school in August. A mom can dream, right?

In all seriousness, I am not sure if there has ever been a time when I’ve longed more desperately for Jesus to return and take me to Heaven.

Surely, I’m not alone.
The past year has been one for the record books on so many levels.

I feel like we’ve all been ravaged in our bodies, minds, and souls.
When trying to describe how I feel, I find words like:
Weak, weary, wounded.
Isolated, alone, afraid.
Confused, uncertain, anxious.
Frustrated, disappointed, disillusioned.

I’m sure you could add to the list.

Hiding and praying for this all to go away isn’t the answer, though.
I don’t believe God has called us to retreat.
No, we can’t withdraw from the war.

Remember, this is exactly what’s going on: an all-out war between good and evil.
As Paul shares in Ephesians, the struggles we encounter are MORE than they appear.

Covid, racial injustice, power outages due to unprecedented weather, unemployment, social isolation, depression, anxiety, political unrest, financial debt, food insecurity, and so much more bombard us from every angle.
The physical and emotional needs are overwhelming.
We could easily forget that these issues, as real and hard as they are,
are NOT the true battles.

We MUST realize they all point to the reality of SIN.
And thus, to our ULTIMATE need for a SAVIOR!

In his letter to the church at Thessalonica, Paul reminds believers we have hope in this fallen and broken world.

And it’s not a vaccine or new president or stimulus check.
It’s not acceptance or affirmation or equity.
It’s not financial stability or food security.
It Is JESUS.

Jesus, who died for our sins and made a way for us to have a relationship with God.
Jesus, who rose again and proved He is victorious over sin and death.
Jesus, who will return to take all who accept His free gift of salvation to eternal glory with Him.

HE is our hope who sustains us, no matter what punches the world throws our way.
HE is the truth ALL people need to hear and believe.
HE is the message we MUST share.

Donating food, water, and blankets is helpful.
Fighting for justice and equality is good, and necessary.
Raising money, offering our skills, or sending an encouraging note can be beneficial.

Followers of Jesus should be the first to do these things.
Our love for God should compel us to love the people in our lives.

But if that is all we do, we have failed our neighbors, co-workers, friends, and family members. We may have improved their current situation,
but we have ignored their eternal condition.

I get it.
Sharing the gospel can be scary.
I am personally guilty of not telling people about Jesus, for fear of what they’ll think of me.

I should be so concerned with the devastating reality of someone’s eternal separation from God that I MUST share JESUS.

Honestly, I shouldn’t be able to anticipate Jesus’ return with joy, knowing people in my life haven’t yet accepted Jesus as their Savior.

I don’t want to hear the promised trumpet blast and realize my neighbor, co-worker, friend, or family member will not come with me.

I can’t even begin to imagine how glorious standing among people from every tongue, tribe, and nation will be as we all sing together to worship Jesus. I envision such beauty and peace and joy. My heart swells with longing for that amazing day.

Then, I cringe to think of what the alternative eternal experience will be for those who don’t know Jesus as Savior.  My heart breaks, and suddenly things shift into perspective.

Every day I linger, waiting for Jesus is an opportunity to share my hope for the future with those around me who are lost in the here and now. I will gladly endure 4 rounds of puberty if it means more time to tell people about JESUS!!!

As I read in Thessalonians today, I was challenged like never before.
I don’t want to simply watch and wait for Jesus to come back.
I want to remember I am fighting in a raging war.
I may not know how long it will last, but I do know Who will stand victorious in the end.
And I CAN make the most of the time I am given, and fight well every day I am here.

Will you join me, as Paul urges, and put on your armor and engage in battle
for someone’s soul?

Will you live as a child of the day,
shining your light into the darkness?

How much more glorious will it be then, when we DO hear the trumpet blast, and finally see our Savior face-to-face, knowing we gave our all to share the hope of JESUS?!

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Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!

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Pause IV Day 7 Unchanging Almighty

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Have you ever wished God would just drop a message down from the sky to tell you what to do next? Or maybe send a care package of “patience”, “healing”, and “strength” along with a checkbox list of what to do or where to go next?

I know I have!
I’ve often thought people in the Old Testament surely had it easier because God just spoke from the sky to them. Or set a bush on fire. Even better are the disciples who lived during Jesus’ time who could just ask Jesus a question face-to-face and get an immediate response.

But my perspective reveals a flawed perception of the Almighty God.

God wants to be known by us, and speak to us, that is abundantly clear in Scripture. My tendency, however, is to elevate the “answer” over the “relationship”.

I want the “next” instead of delighting in the walking with Him on the journey.
I’m looking to check off my boxes and make sure I’ve done all the right things.

But God is looking for my heart, to shepherd it, to teach me to trust, to develop my faith in Him as He leads me deeper into our relationship.

How much sweeter His ways are than mine!

In Habakkuk 2:2-3, the Lord assures Habakkuk the vision God had given to him would indeed come to pass. God reminds the prophet the timing is God’s alone for its coming.

Habakkuk would have the choice to trust God at His word or lean into his doubt instead.

God gave very clear directions to Habakkuk to write out the words of the vision detailing the coming judgement so everyone would be able to read and understand them.

The Lord’s Words would indeed be fulfilled.
Judgement would come.

In the same way Habakkuk and ancient Israel had access to God’s words through the prophet, so do we have direct access to God and His will for our lives by reading Scripture. As God assured Israel His words were unchanging and would be fulfilled, so can we have the same confidence when it comes to God. His word never changes, His character remains the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is trustworthy like nothing else in all of creation!

Listen to His word, heed His message of hope and salvation offered through Jesus, and trust Him with all you have! Grow your relationship with Him by studying His word and practicing listening to the Holy Spirit!

Today's Invitation

1) Pull out your Bible and read Habakkuk 2:2-3 fully through 3 times. Read it slowly, emphasizing different words each time. Let the words of Scripture hang over you as the Spirit speaks to your heart.

2) Each time you read, write down everything that pops out at you, makes you curious, or wonder “why?”. When you’re finished, go back through and you’ll be amazed at the new things the Spirit is leading you into knowing about Him!

3) Write out a prayer of thanks to God for being a God of clarity and wisdom instead of a God of secrets and deception. Ask Him for clear understanding where you need it most, and praise Him for how He will provide as you wait for Him.

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Habakkuk 2:2-3

The Lord answered me:

Write down this vision;
clearly inscribe it on tablets
so one may easily read it.
3 For the vision is yet for the appointed time;
it testifies about the end and will not lie.
Though it delays, wait for it,
since it will certainly come and not be late.

How Does “Pause” Work?
1.Each day, Monday through Friday, for 3 weeks, we will provide you with an invitation to get away with the Savior. Each one is designed for you to engage with the Almighty in a deeper way and perhaps in a new way than you have been recently.

2. Having a journal is a must! You’ll want to take notes as you walk this special Journey of Pause.

3. Each week focuses on one or two passage of Scripture and we walk with you as you study and flesh these out for yourself. As you write your thoughts, read His Word, and pray, questions might come up. That’s Perfect! Ask a trusted fellow believer, a pastor, or send us an email as you work through them!

4. Jumping in at the middle? No problem! Here is the entire Journey Theme.

5. Connect with others on Facebook by visiting our GT Community Group!

Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!

Thanks for joining us today as we journeyed into Pause IV Week Two!
Don’t miss out on the discussion below – we’d love to hear your thoughts!

Looking for other journeys from this theme? Here’s a link to all past studies
in Pause!

Questions Day 15 Does God Care?

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Read His Words Before Ours!

1 Peter 5:6-11
Psalm 56:8-11
Romans 8:31-38

Questions, Day 15

“There is a place where there is an aggregate of human suffering and questioning.
That place is the heart of God.” –Ravi Zacharias, Cries of the Heart

Life holds both purest joy and deepest pain.

Have you experienced a heavy heart, unanswered questions, bitterness that threatened to eat you from the inside out, or anger rooted in grief over unfulfilled longing or loss?

To you, aching sister, I say,
I stand with you in your grief; I hold my own.
I stand with you in your questions; I ask my own.
I stand with you in the bitterness seeking to destroy you; I battle it, too.

I am not writing because I have all the answers. Even after decades of following Jesus, of wrestling long hours, sometimes whole seasons (with the God of the universe to whom I’ve given my whole-hearted devotion), I still ask this simple yet excruciatingly painful question,

“God, do You see me? Do You hear me? Do You care?”

I share your struggle, and I offer what I have learned in hopes it will help you, too.
There is peace available, peace born of resting in the assurance that
God cares deeply for you.

He is our Immanuel, God with us, ever abiding in the darkest recesses of our lives and hearts.

Let’s start with the Bible, a living, active, and power-filled book. (Hebrews 4:12) God inspired many men to write the Bible, preserved its contents over thousands of years, and its power continues to be demonstrated as by it, the Spirit of God transforms believers.
The very gift of His Word is evidence of God’s care for us.

Let’s embrace this precious gift! Read His Word, commit precious passages to memory, and repeat them aloud in your dark moments, and experience His nearness as a result.

God’s Word is both the evidence and activity of His care.
“Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.”
(1 Peter 5:7; emphasis mine)

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?
Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.
And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”
(Matthew 10:29-31; emphasis mine)

“You yourself have recorded my wanderings.
Put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?”
(Psalm 56:8)

Read 2 Kings 20:5, Psalm 139:3, and Malachi 3:16 to see for yourself:
God is aware of all our ways.
He takes notice and listens.
He hears our prayers, sees our tears, rescues, defends, and heals.
In countless ways, He demonstrates His care.

I tend to question God’s care only in the midst of hurt (can you relate?).
My cry crescendos as pain persists without relief or resolution.
At these times, we must ask ourselves, with brutal honesty,
“Do we want God to manifest His care, or do we just want Him to make everything better?”

When experiencing pain, it’s natural to want it to end,
pleading with the Lord to make our aching stop.

It’s also natural to question God’s goodness in these times
as we look around and wonder if God is really for us, or if He has forgotten us.

The antidote to both of these is to anchor our hearts, over and over, in the rich depth of God’s unchanging character. God’s comfort and care for us does not change based on our circumstance, or how we feel about Him as we interpret our shifting surroundings.

The book of Mark records a life-threatening scenario for the disciples. Waves crashed over their small fishing boat; drowning was imminent, even for seasoned fishermen, and they cried out to the Lord,
“Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?!” (Mark 4:35)

They wanted the intensity of their circumstances to cease,
while also questioning whether the Lord cared about them anymore.
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Jesus’ response?

“Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” (Mark 4:40)

Christ’s antidote to our natural tendencies when we encounter pain is faith; trusting God for Who God is.

Rather than looking at the waves washing over our “boat”, we can focus our attention on recalling all the ways we already know God cares, and is caring, for us in the middle of the storm.

We experience God’s care when we study the truth of His character in Scripture.
We experience God’s care through songs resounding with reminders of His nature and promises from Scripture.
We experience God’s care through stories of others who have found His grace sufficient to endure suffering, and persevere with the understanding pain is always part of a bigger picture framed by God’s redemption.
Lastly, we experience the most convincing assurance of God’s care when we remember Jesus.

God knows how driven we are to believe only what we perceive with our five senses.
Out of His deep love for us,
He sent Jesus, in our human flesh,
so we could see and hear and touch and smell and know
God. Does. Care.

Romans 8:32 says, “He did not even spare his own Son but offered him up for us all”;
nor will we be spared from suffering. (John 16:33)

However, God abandoned His Son so we will not be abandoned in our suffering.
We may share in Christ’s sufferings, but we will NEVER share in abandonment by the Father.

May our prayer echo the prophet Habakkuk, asking God to lift us to the heights to see with eyes of faith the everlasting love and specific care of God in our lives.

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Don’t miss today’s Digging Deeper!     And we’d love to hear your thoughts from today’s Journey!    Comment Here!

Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!

Thanks for joining us today as we journeyed into Questions Week Three! Don’t miss out on the discussion below – we’d love to hear your thoughts!
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Sketched VI Day 8 Danielle

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Read His Words Before Ours!

Romans 8:1-11
Ephesians 4:17-32
Zechariah 8:1-23

Sketched VI, Day 8

I grew up in the Kansas City, KS, metro area and was raised by my mom and stepdad as my mom and biological father had divorced when I was three.  My dad suffered from substance abuse and depression, and was physically and emotionally abusive, and also adulterous. However, once my mom remarried, my home life was safe, Christ-centered, very strict and structured.

My sister and I were enrolled in a Christian school during our elementary years. I made very close friends, had wonderful Sunday school teachers at church, where we attended weekly, and my parents lovingly taught us about Christ and our need for a Savior.

I gave my heart to Jesus when I was five years old. I still remember reading the prayer of salvation with my mom and little sister, found within a small paper booklet, and was so excited to have Jesus living in my heart! I have fond memories and was very happy for most of my early childhood days.

Around 12 years old, my stress level increased.
I started attending public school and lost contact with my biological father all together. Up until that time he had been fairly regular with our bi-weekly visits. I also became overly aware of how different I was growing up in an upper middle class, basically all-white community as a bi-racial youth. With all of these personal stressors spinning uncontrollably inside, I became highly anxious and easily worked up, all of which I took out on my parents.

In high school, I hung out with “popular kids” and dated older guys. I played club soccer year-around in addition to four years of varsity, and traveled for college showcases.
My need for perfectionism, approval, and obsessive tendencies began here.

Although I was very busy, I still made time to party, drink alcohol, and sneak out and smoke. My grades were excellent and I excelled at my sport, so my parents had no idea of my “weekend self”.  I was committed to this double life.

But the shame and guilt I carried as I walked into church each week eventually led me to stop attending youth group and push away my wonderful, God-loving friends.
I no longer fit in. 

My collegiate years were much the same with a hyper-focus on getting all A’s, while also intent on being the best party and sorority girl.
This was what I was good at, being the “fun friend.”
My double life was in high-gear and I made no attempt to refocus my life on Christ as Sundays were spent recovering from the weekend.
In my freshman year of college, I began dating my now-husband, Ben. After college, Ben was drafted and my double-life habits continued.
I was the best at my job, but also the best party girl.

With Ben gone, I was too lonely and full of shame every weekend, laying around feeling sick from partying, to face the truth.
I needed Christ, or I would never be happy.
Ever.

Which I knew!
Believe me, those parents who raised me in the church would constantly remind me, pray for me, and beg God to change my hardened heart.

Fast forward.

Ben and I married, and years later I became pregnant with Hart, my oldest.
Having a son completely broke me, bringing me to my knees.
I wanted my child to know Christ and be raised in a house full of His love like I had been.

For years, I had slammed the door on the Holy Spirit.
I screamed at myself to make better decisions, to get back into church, to repent.
At last, I turned back.
And I was restored! 
Finally.

My first Bible study was with my mom over phone and email, as we still lived states apart.
I began PRAYING to be more loving to my spouse and to crave reading God’s Word.

Slowly through the work of God’s renewing Holy Spirit, I began climbing out of the body I was had been living in, and hating. I was morphing into the woman He always wanted me to be; Christ was making me new! I was connected with Him, deeply loved, and learning to find my worth in God instead of my own performance.

God wonderfully took the YEARS I’d wasted living in sin and completely washed them away.  He freed me from the shame of my lifestyle, the guilt of my decisions, and the sense that I could never go back to Christ because I was too far from Him.
He freed me fearing of what people (“friends”) would think about me for changing core aspects of me. I realize now He will use the rest of my life to keep remaking me and influencing others for His glory!

My life is an on-going, amazing testimony of His gracious hand.
Although I wasted much, the best is yet to come! 

When jealousy pops up for those who have been in communion with Christ or serving Him since their youth, I’m reminded that God wastes nothing, even when I wasted much while chasing worthless idols and focusing on myself.

My decision to follow Christ has blessed every part of my life; it is made all the sweeter as I enjoy His pleasures in stark contrast to the darkness I thought would satisfy me.
Through fellowshipping with other believers, Ben and I have been baptized and blessed with a wonderful support system.

God used the hardest valleys to make me stronger and grow my faith. I know God has had His hands on every part of my very imperfect story.

You know that person who FINALLY finds Christ as an adult?
That person who is on fire and can’t fully even explain it most times?
That’s me!
I can’t wait to see what else Jesus has in store for this restored, remade sinner!

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A Note About Sketched
In this series, we are stepping into the shoes of various characters throughout history. Some are biblical, some are well-known in modern day times, and some are people our writers know personally. We do our best to research the culture and times surrounding these individuals to give an accurate representation of their first-person perspectives on life and the world, but we can’t be 100% accurate. “Sketched” is our best interpretation of how these characters view(ed) God, themselves, and the world around them. Our hope is that by stepping into their everyday, we will see our own lives a little differently!
Enjoy!
And keep watching for Sketched Themes to pop up throughout the year!

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Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!

Thanks for joining us today as we journeyed into Sketched VI Week Two! Don’t miss out on the discussion below – we’d love to hear your thoughts!

Looking for other journeys from this theme?
Here’s a link to all past studies in Sketched VI!