Marriage

Beloved Day 13 Catching Foxes

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Read His Words Before Ours!

Song of Solomon 2:15
Galatians 5:22-26
Philippians 4:8-9
Deuteronomy 6:5-9
Matthew 22:37-40

Beloved, Day 13

“I now pronounce you husband and wife . . . and now present to you, Mr. & Mrs. Brad Daniel.”
[Audience applause as we joyfully exit the church]

Oh, how sweet are the memories of that day! We believed the best in each other, couldn’t imagine what could possibly ever come between us, had no idea that someday we’d have to actually work to make time for each other. And we certainly couldn’t imagine we’d ever be so angry with, indifferent toward, or deeply wounded by one another. We were embarking on a journey full of mystery, knowing and becoming known, memories, and the true meaning of the vow, “til death do us part.”

Marriage is a gift.  How sweet that our Father has established a relationship so intimate, it provides a glimpse of the most intimate relationship of all, God’s relationship with His people, His Church.

I don’t remember the night I met Jesus as my savior as clearly as I’d like, but I do recall wanting to make sure I knew Jesus. I didn’t understand a lot of the Bible at the age of 10 or 11, but I knew Jesus loved me and had sacrificed Himself for my sins. As a child, I couldn’t grasp the gravity of my sin and the costliness of my salvation, I knew I wanted to follow Him with all I had . . . I just didn’t know what that meant.

Beginnings.
We love them.
We dream about them.

Everything seems fresh and fun as we begin to learn something new, whether it’s in marriage or our relationship with Jesus. We start off with stars in our eyes as we experience new love and speak of “forever” as if it’s clearly visible to us.

One of my favorite ways to serve with my husband is to meet couples for pre-marital counseling. It is an honor to walk with an engaged couple, helping prepare them for marriage.

In counseling sessions, we work through various areas in the relationship possessing the potential for conflict, and provide tools to navigate those areas well. We encourage intentional communication and potential resolution before little problems become big ones. We also affirm areas of strength and encourage the couple to keep communicating and working together.

Song of Solomon paints a picture of two lovers, completely enthralled with one another and willing to do whatever it takes to be together.  Song of Solomon 2:15 advises them to “catch the foxes” before they ruin the vineyards. Foxes are known for being cunning, sly, and destructive, an enemy to the vineyards, not only eating the grapes, but gnawing and digging, destroying an entire vine.

What a great analogy when applied to the marriage relationship! In the beginning, everything is new and fun and effortless. It is then we should begin to prepare for the possible “foxes” to creep in, small and seemingly innocent at first, taking just a few minutes of our time or attention, but if left unattended, potentially destroying the relationship.

Relationships require quality time and attention. My husband and I encourage engaged couples to find a recreational activity they both enjoy, and to use its intentional pursuit to provide relaxation and something different to look forward to doing together.

To sustain any relationship requires time. Our culture tends to value busyness, so our spouses . . . or Jesus . . .  can get the leftovers of our day if we are not intentional in planning and honoring our time together.  We all need time alone together to remember the specific reasons we love each other, and to nurture the unique friendship marriage brings.

Distractions come in all forms, including electronic devices, children, and careers, as well as our own pursuits or selfishness. Most of these are not inherently evil; we just have to hold them in proper perspective.

One of the most familiar distractions in our society is the cell phone. I know I am guilty of mindless media scrolling, as my husband is in the room with me, neglecting prime time together. Instead of pursuing genuine connection, I look at the lives of others, comparing myself, my life, and my marriage to those on the screen. This has the potential to evoke jealousy, insecurity, and irritability.

In addition, our scrolling habits tend to rob us of time we could be spending with Jesus, allowing His presence to guide our thoughts and actions. Paul instructs us in Philippians 4:8-9 to think about what is true, honorable, lovely, and worthy of praise.  When we begin comparing and focusing on what we lack, we abandon lovely thoughts toward our spouses, or the truth about ourselves.

Marriage was created by God and is GOOD. Good marriages serve others and each other, out of the overflow of being strengthened by the power of the Holy Spirit.  As we spend time with Jesus, we are filled with His perspective, strengthened by His Word, and able to bear good fruit. (Galatians 5:22-26)

Empowered by God, we see the needs of our spouses, and set aside the time necessary to invest in and nurture the relationship. We are able to prevent cute little fox kits from destroying an entire vineyard. With vigilance and intentionality, prioritizing time with both God and our spouses, we can help the vineyards of our relationships to flourish!

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Beloved Day 12 Seasons Of Love: Digging Deeper

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Digging Deeper Days

Finding the original intent of Scripture and making good application to our everyday lives as we become equipped to correctly handle the Word of Truth!

Yesterday’s Journey Study connects with today’s!
Check out Seasons Of Love!

The Questions

1) Why might the woman have paused before opening the door to her loved one (verse 3)?

2) Why did the man not continue to wait for her to open the door (verse 6)?

3) Verse 7 seems to indicate abuse of the woman. What might be the significance of this being included in the passage?

4) How does the woman express her disappointment of not finding her loved one? (verse 8)

Song of Solomon 5:3-8

3 I have taken off my clothing. How can I put it back on? I have washed my feet. How can I get them dirty? 4 My love thrust his hand through the opening, and my feelings were stirred for him. 5 I rose to open for my love. My hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh on the handles of the bolt. 6 I opened to my love, but my love had turned and gone away. My heart sank because he had left. I sought him, but did not find him. I called him, but he did not answer.

7 The guards who go about the city found me. They beat and wounded me; they took my cloak from me—the guardians of the walls. 8 Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you, if you find my love, tell him that I am lovesick.

Original Intent

1) Why might the woman have paused before opening the door to her loved one (verse 3)?
Since this book is not a chronological account of the events between Solomon and his beloved, there are some difficult passages to unravel. This one is no exception. In verse 2 of the chapter, we read the bride’s words, “I was sleeping, but my heart was awake.” As in chapter 3 verse 1, we are left with questions about the sequence and the reality of the couple’s actions in this scene. Is the young woman dreaming, or is she at the drowsy verge of being awakened? Since many Bible commentators have come to different conclusions, it seems unnecessary to dwell too long in a discussion about this. More importantly is the big picture. In these verses we encounter a scenario of a real-life relationship which included human responses. The young woman knows her loved one is at the door, but she is either too tired or too lazy to get up, get dressed, and open the door for him. David Guzik says, “her problem was not that she didn’t go to the door; but that she did it so slowly and reluctantly, making excuses all along the way. [This reveals she was] thinking only about her comfort and not at all about Solomon’s desires or her relationship with him.” (enduringword.com)

2) Why did the man not continue to wait for her to open the door (verse 6)?
The woman’s lover reminded her that he was standing on the outside waiting. “Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my perfect one. For my head is drenched with dew, my hair with droplets of the night.” (verse 2) Whether or not the terms in verse 4 are explicit references regarding sexual intimacy, the scene certainly portrays an active pursuit of one lover desiring to be with the other, but being met with rejection. I think the best interpretation is to read this within the framework Guzik describes as a “missed connection” between the bride and groom, and therefore we should apply it literally rather than symbolically. (enduringword.com) The groom has been waiting patiently outside the door of the bride’s room. As he was leaving, he likely placed myrrh on the door handle as was customary in ancient settings. We are not given the reasons why the woman paused, but the delay causes her beloved to leave. It does not appear he was angry with her, and the emphasis again seems to be on the passion of the bride once she realizes his loving gesture. The bride’s emotions are awakened and she has legitimate feelings of despair because her loved one can’t be found.

3) Verse 7 seems to indicate abuse of the woman. What might be the significance of this being included in the passage?
In chapter 3 we read how the watchmen were helpful to the woman as she frantically sought her beloved. But now verse 7 seems so out of place. What is happening? In then-current day, there were two sorts of watchmen in a city. One guarded from the inside of a city wall to ensure all those within were safe and secure. The others were placed on the walls themselves to watch and give notice of an enemy approaching. (Bible Study Tools, David Gill) The watchmen on the wall would be aware that the only women who would be on the streets at night were prostitutes. Not realizing who she is, they treat her with inappropriate disregard, even abusing her. Whether a dream or reality, we surely feel the stab to our hearts as we read what the bride endured as she runs out into the night. She so desires to find the one she loves that she risks her wellbeing to search for him. Nothing is mentioned about her response to what she experiences, but we share her anguish over not finding her groom. These verses are communicating unrelenting passion and desire between a bride and her groom at all costs.

4) How does the woman express her disappointment of not finding her loved one? (verse 8)
We have read in the previous chapters how the couple speaks to one another with words describing their longing for, and their satisfaction in, one another. Here in verse 8, the bride begins to plead with the women of the town to help her find her groom. It appears she has deep regret over her rejection of his advances, and she now wants to let him know how much she longs for him.  In Song of Solomon 2:4-6, the bride expresses her soul’s desire toward her new groom in those pleasant moments of marital intimacy and passion. She was overwhelmed by the presence of love and the joy of lovemaking. Here in chapter 5, the young woman aches over the distance she has created with her beloved. She has become physically and emotionally ill due to her yearning love for him. She asks the city’s women to “tell him that I am lovesick.” The Septuagint (the Greek translation of the Hebrew OT) uses the verb titrosko which means inflicted with a wound, injured, damaged. The Shulamite woman is emotionally and physically overwrought. (preceptaustin.org) Within the context, we can surmise she is craving more moments with the groom. She grieves the way she let him slip away due to her unwillingness to respond when he came to her.

Everyday Application

1) Why might the woman have paused before opening the door to her loved one (verse 3)?
We don’t know all the motives behind why the bride doesn’t go to the door. She expresses it would be somewhat of a hassle since she has already changed clothes, whether it is weariness or laziness, we are not sure. What we discover as we read further in the passage, though, is that she regrets her inaction to open the door to her beloved. While there will be times in marriage that one person lacks a desire to make much effort toward intimacy (due to fatigue or distress), we should not make it a habit to neglect our spouse’s need for sexual and physical closeness. This will likely require ongoing conversation and work in our relationships as we strive for a healthy marriage. As we think about this in spiritual terms, we can also pray for our hearts to be receptive to our Beloved Savior. Bible teacher Harry Ironside says this is a great picture of our own callousness toward Divine Love. “When [Christ] comes to the heart’s door we practically say, ‘No; it is inconvenient. I do not want to drop things right now.’” What an even greater tragedy to reject God’s perfect love. (John 3:16-19)

2) Why did the man not continue to wait for her to open the door (verse 6)?
The bottom line of this verse is how the groom was demonstrating his desire for his bride. He was patient. He did not force his way in, nor did he demand her to meet his expectations. Instead, he waited and then quietly slipped away, but not before leaving a symbol of his love. What beautiful restraint and gentleness was shown by this man. Although his loved one did not receive him in the way he expected, he chose kindness. Putting a fragrance on the bolt handles would have been akin to leaving flowers by the door. Sometimes in marriage we don’t feel the emotional attachment to our husband. When that happens, we can begin by praying for God to stir passion in us. Years ago, I heard a woman Bible teacher talk about how she prayed for her marriage. She said one of her prayers was that she would “always thrill to her husband’s touch.” That is a good start! Whether we are the initiator or the one waiting, our goal should be to demonstrate unrelenting love. Friend, maybe you feel that any sign of promising light is so far in the distance you are unable to see it. I pray you will not lose hope. God will be faithful as you pursue a passionate and lasting marriage.

3) Verse 7 seems to indicate abuse of the woman. What might be the significance of this being included in the passage?
The picture of the beloved bride of the king being assaulted by his own watchmen is appalling! Whether she is dreaming or is in fact walking around at night like a prostitute, she is a desperate woman in search of the one her heart longs to be near. She has felt the pangs of dismissing her lover’s kind and patient pursuit. It has been said that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I doubt that is always true as I have seen absence push people apart. But one of the ways we can create a healthy kind of distance that inspires desire is to rehearse the benefits of being married to our husband. When marriages are struggling, it is hard to find the good in the other person. Our human tendency is to rehearse our weariness with it all. As we do, we only add to our growing list of reasons not to make efforts. However, when alone with our thoughts, considering the good things of our marriage and the positive characteristics of our husbands helps stir our emotions toward desire. As the bride longed to find her beloved groom, God can restore our passions as we pray and work to bridge the gap we may or may not have caused.

4) How does the woman express her disappointment of not finding her loved one? (verse 8)
The Shulamite woman had gone from being “too tired” to being “lovesick.” She desperately went searching for the one her heart so deeply loved. She called those around her to join her in her search. Sister, enlist your own army of women to support you in your marriage. No, I’m not asking you to find friends to whom you can badmouth your husband. I am encouraging you to gather those around you who will remind you to “love your husbands … so God’s word will not be slandered.” (Titus 2:4) It is not an easy journey, this thing called marriage. But with God’s help, and with friends pointing us to Christ, we can pursue the kind of passionate relationship we read of in Song of Solomon!

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Catch up with Seasons Of Love!

Digging Deeper is for Everyone!

1) Take this passage (or any other passage).
2) Read it, and the verses around it,
several times
3) Write down your questions
as you think of them.
4) Ask specific culture related questions and be ready to dig around for your answers. Google them, use www.studylight.org, or look them up in a study Bible and read the footnotes (click on the little letters next to a word and it will show you
other related verses!). (www.esvbible.org)
5) Check your applications with other trusted Christians that you are in community with and embrace the fullness of God
in your everyday!

Digging Deeper Community

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Pray Together!
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Our Current Study Theme!

This is Beloved Week Three!
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Why Dig Deeper?

Finding the original meaning is a huge deal when we study Scripture and can make all the difference in our understanding as we apply God’s truths to our everyday lives.

In our modern-day relationships, we want people to understand our original intention as we communicate; how much more so between God and humanity?!

Here’s a little bit more on why we take Digging Deeper so seriously.

Study Tools

We love getting help while we study and www.studylight.org is one of many excellent resources, providing the original Hebrew (Old Testament) or Greek (New Testament) with an English translation.

Want to know more about a specific word in a verse? Click on “Strong’s Interlinear Bible” then click the word you’d like to study. Discover “origin”, “definition” and hear the original pronunciation – That Is Awesome!

Want more background? Click “Study Tools”, then pick a few commentaries to read their scholarly approach, keeping in mind that just because a commentary says it, doesn’t mean it’s true. (just like the internet :-))

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Beloved Day 11 Seasons Of Love

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Read His Words Before Ours!

Song of Solomon 5:3-8
Song of Solomon 3:1-5
Exodus 17:1-7
Psalm 136

Beloved, Day 11

Song of Solomon opens like a sweet, fragrant flower in the warm sun of spring; frocked on all sides with deeply delicious delight.

Oh, that he would kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your caresses are more delightful than wine.
(Song of Solomon 1:2)

Falling in love is as sweet and poetic as a lover falling into his beloved’s eyes under a moonlit sky. Lover and Beloved gaze with eyes of wonder; bodies coursing with the intensity of longing to touch, and to be touched.

Awkwardly, we may feel God is stodgy regarding romantic love, but delightedly, Song of Solomon’s declarations insist we realign our view of God. Far from looking away, or frowning upon, the ecstasy of male and female bodies enjoying each other, the Lord God delights and enjoys our bodies and sex within marriage. This sweetness satisfies Him because, as thrilling as this union is, it’s only a roughshod reflection of the delight He finds in relishing a relationship with us.

He tenderly summons, “Taste and see that I am good.” (Psalm 34:8)

To answer His call, we must first see our putrid sin as the ugly garment we’ve been wearing, only to find we cannot rend it from our bodies.
It is knit with our very flesh!

We turn pleading eyes to the cross of Christ, knowing we are utterly unworthy.
Knowing our flesh is rotting because of our sin.
Knowing we have no hope of freedom or forgiveness as long as this cloak of disgust is sewn into our existence.

Christ calls with the beckoning of a bridegroom,
“Come, Beloved, Come! (Revelation 22:17)
Let me wash you, My Bride, and make you white as snow
even though your sins are as scarlet.” (Psalm 51:7)

So we come, nay, we run, headlong to this crimson, blood stained cross. As we draw near, we discover, our flesh itself is falling off, yet, lo, we run on. We NEED this Savior. We are trapped in death without Him. Stretching out His righteous hand toward ours, at first touch, our death is gone. In a moment, we have been freed. The stench of death eradicated. The garment of sin forever destroyed, it’s fabric no longer woven into our flesh, for we have been reborn.

Fresh washed skin.
Fragranced hair.
Sun-kissed cheeks and eyes brimming with wonder and awe
of this radical love that both casts out sin and loves the sinner.
Raptured delight erupts!
We shout His praise!
We worship with enthusiasm!
We skip for the joy exploding within us at awakening to life.
We yearn for righteousness and to gaze intently onto His glorious face.
Gleefully, we cannot help but breathlessly proclaim His goodness to all.

Springtime is made for Lover and Beloved.

My wedding band hadn’t long graced my finger when I found myself on our bathroom floor, door locked, face flushed, tears tumbling. “I want to go home”, I whispered between sobs.

What had I done? Until death do us part?
I wanted to back up, re-think, undo.
Marriage wasn’t what I’d expected.
Where were the sweet nothings?
Electricity between us? Oh, there were plenty of sparks…just of a different kind.

As I write this, I’m two weeks shy of 19 years of marriage. Over the course of nearly two decades, I found myself in more seasons of lonely questioning than I could count.

I would become weary of loving him.
He wasn’t loving me as I wanted.
He didn’t listen as I expected.
Why was he so selfish? Why was I?
Would we make it?
Was I still His Beloved?

Winter’s cold winds blow, and burrowed beneath the snow, Love barely breathes.

Barely breathing.
Isn’t that how we feel with our walk with the Lord sometimes? While there may have been spiritual highs at some points, it feels so out of sync with real life.

Perhaps that’s why we have seasons with the Lord,
so we can learn He is present when feelings fade.

When our lips refuse to form words of worship.
When our hearts feel cold to the fire of the Lord.
When we whisper the hard questions, barely audible.
Is He really here? Does God love me now?

In my bed at night
I sought the one I love;
I sought him, but I did not find him.
Song of Solomon 3:1

I opened to my love,
but my love had turned and gone away.
My heart sank because he had left.
I sought him, but did not find him.
I called him, but he did not answer.
Song of Solomon 5:6

The nation of Israel was just weeks out from seeing the Lord rip open the Red Sea as they’d walked across on dry sand, forever free from Pharaoh’s slavery. They had shouted for victory on the other side of the sea, watching as former slave-owners drowned beneath the very waves they’d been rescued through.

Yet, they dared utter these words to their Rescuing God,
“Why did you ever bring us up from Egypt
to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?”
(Exodus 17:3)

In fiery desperation, they cried aloud,
“Is the Lord among us or not?”
(Exodus 17:7)

Spoiler alert… I didn’t stay in the bathroom, Israel didn’t die of thirst in the desert, and Solomon’s Bride found her Lover.

The key to moving forward in the dark chill of winter is refusing to loosen our grip on truth.

The Lord is always present.
Always loving.
Never forsaking.

While marriages tragically end, and ecstasy wanes like tide from the shore, regardless of the season, true love never fails. Never.

The Love of God will endure forever.
Because He IS love.
(1 John 4:8)

Whether you’re frolicking on the hills of newfound love, or trudging through winter’s icy blast, be warmed by the fires of truth from the God who never fails in any season!

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Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!

Thanks for joining us today as we journeyed into Beloved Week Three! Don’t miss out on the discussion below – we’d love to hear your thoughts!

Looking for other journeys from this theme?
Here’s a link to all past studies in Beloved!

The GT Weekend ~ Beloved Week 2

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The GT Weekend!

At Gracefully Truthful, weekends aren’t for “checking out”.
Use this time to invite the Almighty’s fullness into you life in a deeper way!
Saturdays and Sundays are a chance to
reflect, rest, and re-center our lives onto Christ.
Don’t miss the opportunity to connect with other women in prayer,
rest your soul in reflective journaling,
and spend time worshiping the Creator who
longs for intimacy with each of us!

Worship Through Journaling

Worship Through Journaling

1) God delights to give good gifts to His children. We know “every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights.” (James 1:17) Marriage, as we saw in Monday’s Journey Study, is a delightful gift from the Lord. God’s plan for marriage was for a man and woman to delight in one another and to reflect His love to the world. Married woman, are you delighting in your husband, or are you focusing on where he is lacking? Are you trusting in God’s plan for your marriage and finding ways to show your husband that you enjoy him, or are you focusing on pleasing yourself? Write down one way you will show your husband you desire him AND one way you can grow in your desire for God. Unmarried sister, have you entrusted the Lord with your desires? Are you living each day to the glory of God, trusting that His timing is perfect? Write down any area in your life that you have believed God is holding back a good gift from you, and ask Him to reveal His heart toward you in that area.

2) In Wednesday’s Journey, we read about the beauty of intimacy between lovers. Merry listed four traits the intimate couple in Song of Solomon display for one another. They are transparent, honest, vulnerable, and purposeful. Transparency, honesty, vulnerability, and intentioned purpose can each help us grow in relationship with our spouse and with our God. These traits also require trust and courage to live out in real life because they open us up to the possibility of being hurt. To the married woman, where are you holding back in your marriage for fear of being hurt? Marriage relationships are complicated and messy when it comes to trust and vulnerability. Neither are easy. As wives, we can only be responsible for ourselves, not the actions and heart attitudes of our husbands. As far as it depends on you, list specific ways you can move deeper into vulnerability and intimacy with your spouse. Consider if there are sins on your side that may be hindering your relationship and pray through these and share with your spouse. Write down specific areas or actionable ways you can begin increasing vulnerability with your husband. Ask God to give you courage and to enable you to take steps to love your husband well. To all sisters, how are you pursuing intimacy with your Heavenly Father? Take time today to verbalize or write down ways you have been holding back from trusting the Lord; ask Him to help you seek intimacy with Him.

3) Before marriage, we can build up expectations for how married life will be, but because we live in a broken world, and we marry broken people, marriage often falls short of our grand expectations. Personally, I thought my husband would always know exactly what to say or do to make me feel better, but surprise! He can’t read my mind. Women, what are you asking from the men in your life (whether implicitly or directly) that only God can provide? Are you hoping for your husband (current or future) to make you secure with his words and actions, or to heal your broken places? Are you demanding he provide you with stability and peace in a tumultuous situation? Look to Jesus. Only Jesus can heal and provide us with true satisfaction. Confess where you have fallen short, and ask the Lord to help you find your satisfaction in Him. For wives, this frees your husband to be the man he is able to be, rather than burden him with unrealistic expectations.  For single women, this allows you to find satisfaction in your current season. If God provides a husband for you, you will be setting a course for a healthy relationship, loosed from the chains of unrealistic expectations.

Praying Scripture back to the One who wrote it in the first place is a great way to jump start our prayer-life! Pray this passage from Proverbs 31:10-12 back to the Lord and
let His Spirit speak to you through it!

Who can find a wife of noble character?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will not lack anything good.
She rewards him with good, not evil,
all the days of her life.

Prayer Journal
Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth. You alone can satisfy the deepest longings of my heart. You alone can heal my broken places and pursue me with perfect love. Oh that I would find my satisfaction in You! Forgive me for the idols of my heart, for my worship of lesser loves. Help me to identify and eliminate all distractions that would keep me from loving You rightly. Help me to honor my husband by following You as Lord and not asking him to do a job he was never intended to do. Show me where I have sinned against my husband, and help me to humbly seek restoration with him. I ask You to continue to bless my marriage with joy and satisfaction and desire. Thank You that Your design for marriage is good. Remind me that my marriage is a picture to a broken world of the love You have for Your church and of her desire to follow You. Finally, I pray for my sisters who are longing to be married. Help them to find their satisfaction in You. Help them to pursue a life-giving relationship with You, and to be content in every situation, trusting that Your timing and Your plans are best.

Worship Through Community

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Share how God spoke to you today!
Comment Here or in our Facebook Community Group!

Worship Through Prayer

Worship Through Music

Beloved Day 10 Satisfaction Of The Beloved

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Read His Words Before Ours!

1 Corinthians 13:4-13
Song of Solomon 2:8-17
1 Corinthians 2:1-16

Beloved, Day 10

Lights on.
Clothes off.
Covers gone.
Nothing hidden.
exposed and known tied together in a single moment.

Will there be acceptance?
Does shame live here?
Does love?

I’m not a movie junky, and I rarely watch TV, but even for me, there’s something achingly sweet in watching a romantic comedy. Whatever the couple’s circumstances that pull at my heart strings, the winding path to resolution finds me swooning and cheering for the blissful couple as their “happily ever after” comes into view and the credits roll.

It’s easy to cheer on a fictitious couple on the screen, it’s quite another to live out a happy ending in real life, where expectation, desire, and satisfaction rarely align.

As a teenager, I was drawn in by the love story of Song of Solomon. I would read every word, imagining how fantastic it would be to be the Beloved of a man who seemed entirely intent on loving me.

How beautiful you are, my Love! How pleasant! (Song of Solomon 1:15)
I am my Love’s, and his desire is for me. (Song of Solomon 7:10)
You have captured my heart with one glance of your eyes. (Song of Solomon 4:9)

Surely, if I prayed intently enough, waiting for just the right one, the Lord would give me this Happily Ever After kind of man who would pen erotic poems about the delights of my body. I would feel loved, and full; content and never wanting for anything.

Your lips are like a scarlet cord,
and your mouth is lovely. (Song of Solomon 4:3)
How beautiful are your sandaled feet, princess!
The curves of your thighs are like jewelry,
the handiwork of a master. (…)
Your belly is a mound of wheat
surrounded by lilies.
Your breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle. (Song of Solomon 7:1-3, emphasis mine)

Turns out, real life was rather, um, less than.
I do remember my new husband reading Song of Solomon one night after he prepared a hot bath, but as for bright lights and clothes off, I’m always looking for the blanket and maybe, m a y b e, a candle for a light. Otherwise, pitch black works great; it’s good for sleeping and any other activity.

It would seem I actually have a lot of shame I’d rather keep under wraps. Plenty of uncertainty whispers in the corners of my heart, asking if my Lover actually loves me for me. Then, apparently, I have quite a few expectations I didn’t realize I carried, which has led to heaps of disappointment and even anger. These are also things I’d rather keep cocooned in the dark.

For over half my life, I’ve known, and loved, my husband, and he has known and loved me.
We’ve both done the best we could, given the people we were, the maturity we had, and what we knew of love and relationships. We’re now 19 years in to this mysterious covenant love we share, but, can I tell you a secret?

I only started feeling truly satisfied when I began loving my Maker first and most.
There was a time in my marriage, where the pain of disappointment and the heavy ache of never enough grew impossible to bear. It was then, I dared something new.
I took the Lord as my Husband.

I very intentionally decided Christ would have my everything, and I would look to Him alone to find my fullest satisfaction. Being a Christian was one thing, but committing to knowing Jesus as my covenant Bridegroom was another, especially in the deep wake of disappointment in my flesh and blood marriage.

It began simply, with my open Bible, a journal page, a pen, and an awkward few sentences signaling the beginning of a commitment to meet with the Lord God every single day and pray for my husband.

Over time, the woes I had with my man faded
as Christ became most and best of what I wanted.
Instead of bemoaning all the ways my man wasn’t,
I was drawn in by all Jesus was.

As I invested in my relationship with God, His Spirit reshaped my heart to see my husband differently and love him better. Sisters, when it comes to loving my man, I have an inexpressibly long ways to go, but I also know the Lord has made me new in ways I’d never dreamed possible, and He’s made my husband new too.

Want to know another secret?
My husband’s transformation took a radical shift when He decided
Jesus needed to be His one and only love as well.

He was convicted by Jesus’ words in Revelation,
“I have this against you, you have forgotten your first love”. (Revelation 2:4)
As he sat on a mountain, he was stunned by the sheer magnitude of the All-Powerful God who simultaneously deeply knew and intimately loved him for him.

Only when we fix our full attention on the One who crafted our bodies and our hearts, can we truly love another. Only here, in the complete surrender of ourselves to the One who pursues us most passionately, can we discover that we can indeed be fully satisfied.

Here with God, who sees all and knows all, and died to forever slay our shame, can we dance gleefully with all the lights on, because we are fully known and fully loved.
Here, and only here, is where real satisfaction lives.

Oh! Taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! (Psalm 34:8)

Come away, Beloved, the Lord is for you. (Psalm 118:5-6)
While every other Love in our lives will absolutely disappoint, only Jesus will fill us with overflowing delight. Be intent on knowing Him first and most, and let His knowing of you flood you with satisfaction.

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Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!

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Blessed Day 9 Intimacy: Digging Deeper

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Digging Deeper Days

Finding the original intent of Scripture and making good application to our everyday lives as we become equipped to correctly handle the Word of Truth!

Yesterday’s Journey Study connects with today’s!
Check out Intimacy!

The Questions

1) Who are the lovers featured in Song of Solomon 7:1-13?

2) Why does the Bible include these passages about sex and intimacy?

3) What does it mean that the woman has treasured up every delicacy, old and new, for her love? (verse 13)

Song of Solomon 7:1-13

How beautiful are your sandaled feet, princess!
The curves of your thighs are like jewelry,
the handiwork of a master.
3 Your breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle.
4 Your neck is like a tower of ivory,
your eyes like pools in Heshbon
by Bath-rabbim’s gate.
Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon
looking toward Damascus.
5 Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel,
the hair of your head like purple cloth—
a king could be held captive in your tresses.
6 How beautiful you are and how pleasant,
my love, with such delights!
7 Your stature is like a palm tree;
your breasts are clusters of fruit.
8 I said, “I will climb the palm tree
and take hold of its fruit.”
May your breasts be like clusters of grapes,
and the fragrance of your breath like apricots.
9 Your mouth is like fine wine—

Woman
flowing smoothly for my love,
gliding past my lips and teeth!
10 I am my love’s,
and his desire is for me.

11 Come, my love,
let’s go to the field;
let’s spend the night among the henna blossoms.
12 Let’s go early to the vineyards;
let’s see if the vine has budded,
if the blossom has opened,
if the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my caresses.
13 The mandrakes give off a fragrance,
and at our doors is every delicacy,
both new and old.
I have treasured them up for you, my love.

Original Intent

1) Who are the lovers featured in Song of Solomon 7:1-13?
The biblical book Song of Solomon, or Song of Songs, as it is sometimes called, was written by Solomon sometime between 971 and 931 BC. Most scholars believe the lovers are Solomon and his wife, though which wife is not as clear. Author Tom Gledhill asserts in his book The Message of the Song of Songs that instead of being Solomon and his lover, “The couple are representative types of Everyman and Everywoman” (94) Whether we view Song of Solomon as a true love story between two specific people or simply as an example of a good marriage, there is much to be learned about love (both human and Divine) and intimate sex in the chapters given to us. Author Sharon Jaynes writes, “God made sure the explicit picture of romance and sexual intimacy is in the Bible for a reason (. . .) It’s as if He’s saying, this is how it’s done.” God gives us a road map for intimacy in marriage in Song of Solomon, but many theologians agree He is also giving us a picture of Jesus’ love for His Bride, the Church. Author Natalia Kohn suggests, “Solomon, the bridegroom, is meant to symbolize the powerful love of our eternal bridegroom, Jesus Christ. The Shulamite woman, our protagonist, models passion and love for her lover, a fascination with who He is, and a hunger for more of His love.” God wants us to love Him deeply and passionately, the way He loves us. (Ephesians 3:18) In giving us a guide for how to love our spouses well, God is also showing us how to love Him with fervent hearts and deepest devotion.

2) Why does the Bible include these passages about sex and intimacy?
If you read the Bible cover to cover, you won’t find another book like Song of Solomon full of romance, eroticism, poetry, and spiritual significance. While other Bible books mention love, sex, and romance, none enter into as much depth of description and creativity found in the Song of Solomon. Why would God include this evocative book about love and sex in His Scripture? God’s primary intention for including this evocative book on love and sex was likely to teach us how to view His amazing gift of sexual intimacy for married couples. Pastor Chuck Swindoll notes, “The fullness of the union that takes place at marriage is described in some of the most splendid poetic language in the entire Bible. In a world where so many speak of God’s special gifts with coldly clinical or apathetic statistical language, the passion of Solomon’s poetry refreshes a world thirsty for the truth about marriage.”  Many believe that beyond the literal description of human love and intimacy, Song of Solomon provides a sense of how deeply Christ loves His bride, the church. Author David Guzik writes, “We find that this great song of songs illustrates the love, the intensity, and the beauty of relationship that should exist between God and the believer.” The bride responds to her Lover in Song of Solomon 7:10 by proclaiming, “I am my Love’s, and his desire is for me.” This phrase alone exemplifies how God loves us and created us for a holy union with Him, and how He longs for us to recognize and accept His great love. The Song of Solomon is God’s two-fold gift to His people, for it teaches us how to nurture sexual intimacy and how to relate to a God who loves us extravagantly.

3) What does it mean that the woman has treasured up every delicacy, old and new, for her love? (verse 13)
In Song of Solomon 7:13, the woman invites her lover to come away with her to the vineyards, telling him “The mandrakes give off a fragrance, and at our doors is every delicacy, both new and old. I have treasured them up for you, my love.” According to commentator David Guzik, “This difficult to translate phrase may have the sense that she is inviting him to enjoy intimacy in ways that are both familiar and new to the couple. The idea would be they would enjoy their lovemaking in creative ways that were planned in advance by the maiden.” Indeed, the mention of mandrakes would indicate a literal meaning of sexual intimacy, for, as commentator David M. Carr points out, “The mandrake or ‘love apple’ is a pungently fragrant plant long considered an aphrodisiac.” There are also arguments that the “old and new delicacies” of Song of Solomon 7:13 hold a spiritual significance. Author Tim Keller suggests, “Sex is for fully committed marriage relationships because it is to be a foretaste of the joy that comes from being in complete union with God. The most rapturous love between a man and woman is only a hint of God’s love for us.”  The Bible provides this surprising guide to sex and marriage in the Song of Solomon to help us build intimacy in marriage, but it also instructs us that God gave the gift of sex within marriage to remind us of God’s intense love and deep longing for a covenant relationship with His people.

Everyday Application

1) Who are the lovers featured in Song of Solomon 7:1-13?
In Song of Solomon 7:1-9, Solomon is describing the beauty of his wife. He starts at her feet and moves all the way up to the crown of her head, appreciating every last detail he beholds. Some of the metaphors describing her beauty are easily understood, while others are lost on a modern reader. However, the love, romance, sensuality, and passion in the text are evident to readers of all eras. The couple knows one another so intimately that she takes up the steamy description in Song of Solomon 7:9, finishing his sentence for him. She knows she has his heart, and her words of love and desire are equally as symbolic and erotic as his are. King Solomon seems to be utterly in love with his bride, and she with him. It is confounding to me, then, that Solomon could love so deeply and so well and yet have a harem of wives and concubines, as seen in Song of Solomon 6:8 and I Kings 11:3. Why would God choose King Solomon, this woefully imperfect man, to pen this beautiful book about intimacy in marriage? Author David Guzik suggests, “Perhaps the Song of Solomon does not reflect Solomon’s actual experience – certainly not in an enduring sense – but his wise analysis and skillful presentation of the glory of romantic and sensual love.” It is difficult for me to accept admonitions from someone who made as many mistakes as Solomon did, but I must remember that 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says “all Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” God inspired the words of King Solomon, so I know I can trust its message is perfect and true, even though the human author was far from perfect.

2) Why does the Bible include these passages about sex and intimacy?
The Bible contains instruction on how to be a better parent, how to manage finances, and how to treat other people, but looking to the Bible for instruction on sex and intimacy seems…uncomfortable. In fact, when a pastor says to open our Bibles to the Song of Solomon, people tend to squirm. Nobody wants to hear the preacher read, “Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle” (Song of Solomon 7:3)! If, however, we move past our discomfort of discussing sex in the Bible, we discover much about marital intimacy from God’s perspective. When describing the lovers in Song of Solomon, author Duane Garrett suggests “They relish their pleasure in each other not only with physical action, but with carefully composed words. Love is, above all, a matter of the mind and heart and should be declared.” Song of Solomon teaches us that thoughtful communication is part of a successful intimate relationship. We also learn from this book that God created sex to be a joyous celebration of love. Author C.J. Mahaney suggests, “Solomon’s Song teaches us that lovemaking is intended by God to be an elaborate and pleasurable feast of the senses — a holy immersion in erotic joy.”  C.J. Mahaney also concludes that the lovers do not have sex just to fulfill physical desire. “They want to be together because they are in love, and the sex they enjoy with one another is an expression of that love.” God has given us the Song of Solomon to show us how to have a fulfilling marriage, but it can also point us to having a fulfilling relationship with Jesus. As author Iain Duguid notes, “A depiction of the best of all loves and the most wonderful of marriages will inevitably turn our hearts toward Christ, who has truly loved us and is the answer for our deep brokenness.” No human relationship, regardless of how intimate or rewarding, can bring healing and restoration to our hearts like knowing Christ can. (Psalm 147:3)  Those of us who have trusted Jesus as our personal Savior make up His church, which He calls His Bride. (2 Corinthians 11:2) He loves us with the devotion of the husband in the Song of Solomon, and he wants us to be His faithful and loving bride.

3) What does it mean that the woman has treasured up every delicacy, old and new, for her love? (verse 13)
A recent societal buzzword has been purposeful or intentional. It is interesting to note how the Shulamite woman in the Song of Solomon does exactly this. She invites her husband to steal away with her, “Come, my love, let’s go to the field; let’s spend the night among the henna blossoms.   Let’s go early to the vineyards; let’s see if the vine has budded, if the blossom has opened, if the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my caresses. The mandrakes give off a fragrance, and at our doors is every delicacy, both new and old. I have treasured them up for you, my love.” (Song of Solomon 7:11-13) She plans and initiates an intimate time with her husband on purpose. She chooses a romantic place and assures him she has treasured up delicacies, both old and new, for them to share. He has been pursuing her, saying, “Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel, the hair of your head like purple cloth—a king could be held captive in your tresses. How beautiful you are and how pleasant, my love, with such delights!” (Song of Solomon 7:5-6) The couple intentionally nurtures their unity and passion. Author Sharon Jaynes argues, “The Shulamite was a wise woman who took deliberate action to make her marriage sing with intimacy that was purposeful and playful. I envision her sauntering up to her husband as he’s overseeing the fields. She whispers in his ear, and her warm breath teases his neck. Tempting him. Flirting with him still. . . And God whispers to us through her words, this is one of the secrets to lifelong love. Pull away. Be intentional. Leave nothing to chance.” Many marriages start off with both partners making time for each other, but stressors and responsibilities dim the passion and purposefulness that once nourished intimacy. We would do well to heed the deliberate acts of the Shulamite woman. Their intimacy was worthy of their sacrifice in other areas. We all have responsibilities that need our attention, but none as important as our marriage relationship. Strong marriages can point others to the love of Christ! Let’s purpose to put our marriages ahead of other priorities.

What do YOU think?! Share Here!
Missing the connection to our other Journey Study?
Catch up with Intimacy!

Digging Deeper is for Everyone!

1) Take this passage (or any other passage).
2) Read it, and the verses around it,
several times
3) Write down your questions
as you think of them.
4) Ask specific culture related questions and be ready to dig around for your answers. Google them, use www.studylight.org, or look them up in a study Bible and read the footnotes (click on the little letters next to a word and it will show you
other related verses!). (www.esvbible.org)
5) Check your applications with other trusted Christians that you are in community with and embrace the fullness of God
in your everyday!

Digging Deeper Community

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Pray Together!
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This is Beloved Week Two!
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Why Dig Deeper?

Finding the original meaning is a huge deal when we study Scripture and can make all the difference in our understanding as we apply God’s truths to our everyday lives.

In our modern-day relationships, we want people to understand our original intention as we communicate; how much more so between God and humanity?!

Here’s a little bit more on why we take Digging Deeper so seriously.

Study Tools

We love getting help while we study and www.studylight.org is one of many excellent resources, providing the original Hebrew (Old Testament) or Greek (New Testament) with an English translation.

Want to know more about a specific word in a verse? Click on “Strong’s Interlinear Bible” then click the word you’d like to study. Discover “origin”, “definition” and hear the original pronunciation – That Is Awesome!

Want more background? Click “Study Tools”, then pick a few commentaries to read their scholarly approach, keeping in mind that just because a commentary says it, doesn’t mean it’s true. (just like the internet :-))

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Beloved Day 8 Intimacy

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Read His Words Before Ours!

Song of Solomon 4:1-7
Song of Solomon 7:1-13
Proverbs 5:15-23
Ecclesiastes 9:7-10
John 14:8-11

Beloved, Day 8

Intimacy.

There’s no other way of saying it: sexual intimacy within marriage is a gift hand-crafted by our incredible Creator God for the people He made in His image.

Throughout the Bible, there are countless examples of God’s created beings enjoying and participating in the gift of physical union. Early in Genesis, the Lord affirms the goodness of sex for the purpose of procreation. (Genesis 1:28) Just a little later in Genesis, we see Isaac comforted in his grief by physical union with Rebekah, which affirms the great comfort of sex in times of grief and loss. (Genesis 24:61-67) In Proverbs, Scripture also asserts sex for the purpose of physical pleasure and enjoyment is good. (Proverbs 5:15-23)

The entire book of the Song of Solomon extols the heady pleasures of physical desire and fulfillment found in the physical act of sex. Vivid descriptions, expressions of love, and honest dialogue about the emotional and physical experiences which accompany physical intimacy were poured over, examined, tested, and ultimately included in the canon of Scripture for a specific purpose. God gave us sex, and sex within the context of marriage between a man and a woman is a good, good thing.

Song of Solomon is a depiction of the literal joys of physical intimacy, but there are some traits we see exemplified in the two young lovers which warrant further exploration in the context of our own marriages.

They are transparent.
The two young lovers are obviously desirous for each other, but they are also completely transparent with others about the one to whom their thoughts, emotions and desires are drawn. They aren’t hiding the way they feel about their beloved; they are practically shouting it from the rooftops. There is no mistaking how they feel, what they want, and to whom their heart belongs.

They are honest with each other.
There’s no question the two are each in pursuit of the other. There is no sub-text and no veiled references. Neither is playing “hard to get.” There’s no competition, no game, no “prove your love to me.” They are each completely, totally, all in.

They are vulnerable.
Nothing is too intimate to share. No expression too outlandish, no description too flowery. There’s no thought of looking foolish, or saying something silly. Each feels completely safe with the other, and as a result they are unashamed to share their thoughts, emotions and desires.

They are purposeful.
They are willing to do practically anything to steal away for an encounter with the one they love. They talk of slipping away to a vineyard, to a quiet room, to his chambers. They are not embarrassed to say exactly what they want, and their actions support their words.

For a moment, let’s set aside all our expectations of our spouse and take a look at where we are.

Beloved, when we examine how we operate in the context of our own marriage, can we say the same? Are we transparent with our spouses? Do we create space for them to be transparent in return, without fear of us shutting down or refusing to respond? Are we honest? And if we aren’t “all in,” is that an area we need to confess to our Father and allow Him to touch? Are we vulnerable in sharing the intimate spaces of our bodies, yes, but even more importantly, our hearts and minds? Are we purposeful in our marriage? Do we choose to pursue our spouse every day, even when we don’t feel like it?

Let’s take it a step further. Are those traits present in our relationship with our Father? Are we transparent about the condition of our hearts and lives with the One Who holds the power to change us? Are we honest with Him about our thoughts and feelings? Do we surrender them to Him? Do we allow ourselves to be open and soft to His conviction, to His healing? And do we pursue radical intimacy with the God Who is with us? Do we consistently prioritize placing ourselves before Him, in all our humanity?

These are hard questions, aren’t they? I can’t say yes to all of them. 

Maybe you can’t, either.

So what do we do from here? Where do we go from this place of knowing we aren’t where we’d like to be, and recognizing we can’t move forward on our own?

We start with confessing where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’d like to be to our Bridegroom King. We acknowledge our definition of intimacy falls woefully short of the intimacy He designed for us to experience with Him, and we ask Him to show us the way. He alone is the Author of intimacy; we can trust Him to lead us into the fullness of all He created!

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Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!

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Here’s a link to all past studies in Beloved!

Beloved Day 7 A Lover’s Delight: Digging Deeper

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Digging Deeper Days

Finding the original intent of Scripture and making good application to our everyday lives as we become equipped to correctly handle the Word of Truth!

Yesterday’s Journey Study connects with today’s!
Check out A Lover’s Delight!

The Questions

1) What is the setting of this passage and why should we believe it is more than allegorical?

2) Why does Solomon refer to his bride as his sister? (verse 12)

3) What is the meaning of the garden in these verses?

Song of Solomon 4:12-16

My sister, my bride, you are a locked garden—a locked garden and a sealed spring. 13 Your branches are a paradise of pomegranates with choicest fruits; henna with nard,14 nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with all the trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, with all the best spices. 15 You are a garden spring, a well of flowing water streaming from Lebanon.

16 Awaken, north wind; come, south wind. Blow on my garden, and spread the fragrance of its spices. Let my love come to his garden and eat its choicest fruits.

Original Intent

1) What is the setting of this passage and why should we believe it is more than allegorical?
An allegory is defined as a “a story, poem, or picture that uses symbolism to reveal a hidden meaning of a deeper moral or spiritual truth.” Although there are several Bible commentators (many from the Puritan era of history) who believe this book is allegory, it is best interpreted as a poetic, but powerful description of the deeply romantic and sensual love between a husband and his wife. The structure and setting of the book do not provide a chronological story, but instead give the reader “snapshots” of a couple’s pre-marital and marital relationship. (enduringword.com) It is true that God uses marriage as a gospel illustration of the relationship between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-32), but it seems apparent to most Bible scholars that the literal meaning should be the primary way the book is interpreted. The straightforward way in which Chapter 4 contains specific details of the sexual love demonstrated by a husband and a wife reveals the beauty of sexual intimacy in Christian marriage. It seems unnecessary to allegorize these passages that present a marital love consistent with Scripture’s other teachings about marriage and sex.

2) Why does Solomon refer to his bride as his sister? (verse 12)
Solomon uses the term “sister” three more times in his book in addition to verse 12. (4:9-10 and 5:1) No conservative Bible commentators believe this is a reference to him marrying his biological sister, and no scriptural evidence provides reason assume familial relations. “Sister” was a common expression in the Hebrew language of familiarity and closeness. As in many cultures, Egyptian love songs included lyrics which call one another ‘brother’ and ‘sister’. Years later, Solomon is using familiar language drawn from then-modern-day poetry. Theologian Charles Spurgeon writes, “‘My sister’ – that is, one by birth, partaker of the same (human) nature. ‘My spouse’ – that is, one in love, joined by sacred ties of affection that never can be snapped. ‘My sister’ by birth, ‘My spouse’ by choice. ‘My sister’ in communion, ‘My spouse’ in absolute union with myself.” By referring to his bride as his sister, Solomon was showing her double honor. He loved her with the physical desire of a spouse and with the natural love of a sibling. It is significant to understand the deep affection Solomon had for his bride, and how he demonstrated that to her.

3) What is the meaning of the garden in these verses?
Bible teachers and commentators who take the book literally, not allegorically, believe this “locked garden” represents a sort of separation and privacy regarding the bride herself. This likely refers to her being a virgin on her wedding night. (enduringword.com) As he has done previously, Solomon expresses his admiration for her. Specifically, he is enthralled with her beauty and purity that reminds him of the “choicest fruits and best spices”. (verses 13-14) As his bride, the fact that she had remained sexually pure was deeply attractive to him. Her sexuality was sacred, and as husband and wife, they both recognize this. The Bride both acknowledges her virginity and agrees it is right for him to find pleasure in knowing that. (verse 16) We see a beautiful picture of the bride’s trust in her new husband. She is freely and gladly unlocking herself to him, inviting him into this sacred act of sexual intimacy. As we dig deep into the meaning of these verses, it may appear they are infringing on moments that should be kept between a married couple. This may be the hesitancy among bible scholars to see them as literal. But an honest study of the book renders it difficult to interpret this as anything but a biblical and literal picture of godly love and passion that honors both spouses and God, the creator of sexual intimacy.

Everyday Application

1) What is the setting of this passage and why should we believe it is more than allegorical?
In considering how we apply these verses, I am enlisting Pastor David Guzik’s help. His sermon on chapter 4 is so well stated, I can’t improve on it, “When you think of the many crude terms that men use to refer to women’s body parts, isn’t there something so beautiful and powerful in this poetic, intimate, and dignified way of expressing love. It is a celebration of the strength and purity and goodness of marital love. There’s nothing insecure here … or dirty … or crass about it. There is simply nothing like this in ancient literature.” So, friends, we can celebrate this love story. As women who desire to live with a godly, biblical perspective regarding purity, we need not back away from the passion we read in the Song of Solomon. The poetry in these passages should be seen as sincere devotion and deep affection between man and wife. We can approach this book with the reverence it deserves, and with an understanding of the high value God places on intimate passion in marriage.

2) Why does Solomon refer to his bride as his sister? (verse 12)
There is an interesting parallel in Song of Solomon 8:1 where the bride says to her lover, “If only I could treat you like my brother, one who nursed at my mother’s breast, I would find you in public and kiss you, and no one would scorn me.” This sweet bride craves the freedom to publicly convey her love for her husband. In that day, outward expressions of affection were considered distasteful except for close kin. She wishes for the same opportunity to show her love to her husband as she would to her own brother. Today, there are jokes and memes about PDA (public displays of affection). Sadly, we have become shameless as a society as we have left behind honor for our bodies and brought every lewd display into the public eye. As wives, we would do our marriages a favor by praying for a desire toward our husbands that is appropriately expressed in public. One of the most beautiful displays I see that almost always brings me to tears, is a couple well into their later years, walking along arm in arm or holding hands tightly. Oh, sweet married friends, let’s show our spouses double honor with physical and natural love!

3) What is the meaning of the garden in these verses?
The literal reading of Song of Solomon may be difficult for some women. Maybe you feel it’s an intrusion on what should be a sacred trust between a married couple. Women who strive for holiness are encouraged by the church to be pure and modest in our dress and demeanor. Reading such an explicit passage could possibly leave someone feeling exposed or embarrassed. Sisters, I get it! I have often wondered why God would include in His inspired Word such an intimate exchange between a man and his bride for all to read. If not understood correctly, it may seem that God is advocating for women to be viewed as objects to be displayed like a trophy. Or maybe you are feeling shame because you did not enter marriage as a virgin, and you wonder if your husband can ever see you in the way described in this passage. I plead with you, dear married friend, to keep praying and digging into the difficult passages and find the joy. Pray to the good and gracious Father who desires to reveal to you the garden of God-ordained sexual fulfillment. Allow the Spirit of God to inspire and equip you to experience the holy intimacy He desires in your marriage.

What do YOU think?! Share Here!
Missing the connection to our other Journey Study?
Catch up with A Lover’s Delight!

Digging Deeper is for Everyone!

1) Take this passage (or any other passage).
2) Read it, and the verses around it,
several times
3) Write down your questions
as you think of them.
4) Ask specific culture related questions and be ready to dig around for your answers. Google them, use www.studylight.org, or look them up in a study Bible and read the footnotes (click on the little letters next to a word and it will show you
other related verses!). (www.esvbible.org)
5) Check your applications with other trusted Christians that you are in community with and embrace the fullness of God
in your everyday!

Digging Deeper Community

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Why Dig Deeper?

Finding the original meaning is a huge deal when we study Scripture and can make all the difference in our understanding as we apply God’s truths to our everyday lives.

In our modern-day relationships, we want people to understand our original intention as we communicate; how much more so between God and humanity?!

Here’s a little bit more on why we take Digging Deeper so seriously.

Study Tools

We love getting help while we study and www.studylight.org is one of many excellent resources, providing the original Hebrew (Old Testament) or Greek (New Testament) with an English translation.

Want to know more about a specific word in a verse? Click on “Strong’s Interlinear Bible” then click the word you’d like to study. Discover “origin”, “definition” and hear the original pronunciation – That Is Awesome!

Want more background? Click “Study Tools”, then pick a few commentaries to read their scholarly approach, keeping in mind that just because a commentary says it, doesn’t mean it’s true. (just like the internet :-))

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Beloved Day 6 A Lover’s Delight

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Read His Words Before Ours!

Song of Solomon 4:12-16
Genesis 2:18-25
Proverbs 31:10-12

Beloved, Day 6

Have you ever walked in a garden under a pale moonlight? It’s counterintuitive, but at night, a garden truly glows. Everything is bathed in the moon’s gentle light. Visitors can breathe in the sweet fragrance of roses and lavenders, an intoxicating aroma.

During the day, the gardener tends to the plot, and the garden becomes hard-working and industrious. But at night, the garden invites the gardener to lay down the stresses of the day and rest in the pleasure of the fruits of his labor.

Our God is a giver. In Scripture, we encounter His gifts of both literal and metaphorical gardens. In the beginning, He created a world full of blessings. Then, God gave Adam and Eve dominion over creation and entrusted them to rule as He would. God also gave mankind the gifts of food and His Sabbath rest. Tucked away in the midst of all those blessings was another gift, a command to be fruitful and multiply while subduing the Earth.

In Genesis 2, we learn of the creation of the first man, Adam, and how God entrusted him with two gardens. The literal garden of Eden was given as part of Adam’s domain to cultivate, because it is where Heaven met Earth. The second and metaphorical garden, Eve, was given to Adam because God saw Adam needed a companion and helper in order to fulfill his purpose.

In the union of Adam and Eve, we find the design for pure delight and pleasure within marriage:

“This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. Both the man and his wife were naked, but felt no shame.”
(Genesis 2:24-25)
Wrapped up in the sacred space of marriage, both husband and wife were truly free and truly satisfied.

Song of Solomon builds upon the foundation laid in Genesis, giving us a detailed look at God’s plan for pleasure and delight within the boundaries of marriage. Chapter 4 recounts the culmination of the wedding ceremony; here, we find the groom describing his bride as an abundant garden.

Within the garden metaphor, our Creator begins to unlock the mystery of Godly marriage. A good gardener tends carefully to his garden, looking forward to a fruitful harvest. He protects it from pests and disease and rot. The gardener removes troublesome weeds, ensuring a nutrient-rich environment. Finally, his gentle hand encourages flowers and fruit-producing trees to grow. Such a prized and prioritized garden will not only produce an abundant harvest, but will be a great beauty to behold.

In the same way, a husband is to tenderly care for, encourage, and protect his wife, helping her to flourish. Proverbs 31 describes a wife who is industrious and productive under the care of a good gardener.

Within the partnership of Godly marriage, both husband and wife, gardener and garden, delight in the pleasures of a fruitful harvest. In the safety and innocence of lifelong commitment, spouses find every physical sense captivated and exhilarated:

“You have captured my heart with one glance of your eyes;
With one jewel of your necklace.
How delightful your caresses are, my sister, my bride.
Your caresses are much better than wine,
And the fragrance of your perfume, than any balsam.
Your lips drip sweetness like the honeycomb, my bride.
Honey and milk are under your tongue.”
(Song of Solomon 4:9-11, emphasis mine)

As with a garden, cultivating joy and pleasure within marriage requires time and intention. After the battles of the day have been fought, and the responsibilities of the day are laid to rest after bedtime prayers, husband and wife must intentionally turn their hearts, minds, and bodies to one another. Just as a vigilant gardener tends to every corner of his garden, we must make space to nurture our emotional, relational, spiritual, and physical connections.

But this sweet image of man and wife delighting in the fragrance and abundance of their nighttime garden is incomplete. Spouses will never find full delight, full satisfaction, full completion, solely in their mates . . . because husband and wife are human, and imperfect, and sinful.

Only when we have first found fullness of delight in God (our perfect, holy, lacking-in-nothing and possessing-all-we-need God) can we turn our attention from the scarcity in our spouse to overflowing gratitude for all the ways God blesses us through him.

And so, sisters, in the gardens of our marriages, let us first pursue and delight in our Master Gardener. Then, let’s enjoy the blessing of love and take delight in our spouses all the days of our lives.

“Go, eat your bread with pleasure, and drink your wine with a cheerful heart, for God has already accepted your works. Let your clothes be white all the time, and never let oil be lacking on your head. Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life, which has been given to you under the sun, all your fleeting days. For that is your portion in life and in your struggle under the sun.”
(Ecclesiastes 9:7-9)

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Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!

Thanks for joining us today as we journeyed into Beloved Week Two! Don’t miss out on the discussion below – we’d love to hear your thoughts!

Looking for other journeys from this theme?
Here’s a link to all past studies in Beloved!