Grow 2018 Day 3 True Identity

Welcome to “Grow”! These stories are from the hearts of regular, everyday women just like you in the GT Community. They are boldly sharing how God has grown them, met with them, strengthened them, and taught them solid truth as they have discovered anew that Jesus is our everyday Savior! Today’s story is shared from the heart of Nicole Reilley.

At the start of last year,
the realization that I was still hurting from childhood wounds,
and that these emotional scars were affecting my parenting
was almost crippling.

Grow, Day 3

But then I consulted with the best surgeon I know, Jesus.

In the last fifteen years of following Jesus, He has proven Himself to be good and faithful.
Though it’s taken me a long time to get to this place of faith,
I now know and can trust God that His ways are best for me.

We know that all things work together  for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. For those he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, so that he would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.
Romans 8:28-29

He has never let me down.
Ever.

Even with that being said, I had been holding back pieces of me from God.
Wounds.
Scars.
Some of my deepest hurts.

I was limping around, carrying all of this heavy baggage thinking,
“This is just who I am. This is how difficult it’s always going to be.”
I knew fear of giving everything over to God was holding me back.
Fear of surrender is a powerful tool the Enemy uses against us to keep us from experiencing freedom!

When I finally pushed past fear and gave God permission to do “surgery” on my emotional scars, I was afraid He was going to “re-break” the “bone” in order for my wounds to heal properly.
The “bone” was my heart, and I knew I had to give it all over to Him to have a chance of living whole and healthy.

What followed in the next six months was a lot of emotional pain.
Everything hurt and the pain was intense as I began the difficult work of processing my pain, but I clung fiercely to the truth that God was good and faithful.
I trusted He would bring me into a better place.
He brought me out to a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
Psalm 18:19

I made a commitment to God to allow Him to work, whatever it took, and I started journaling to help me actually deal with issues from the past as they came up.
After about six months, things came to a head and, honestly,
my marriage was really suffering.
During this time, God showed me that I had been putting my kids first, my marriage second, myself third, and God last.
I needed to flip it.

For me a very practical way to begin to do this was to read the Word in morning
with the kids awake, chaos and all.
Around that time, I had gotten connected with Gracefully Truthful and started reading the Journey Studies. The Freedom Journey Theme really had an impact on me, my identity, and my sense of worth. Through the truth of God’s Word, I was reminded that I will never measure up. And that’s okay. Because of the cross I don’t have to.
You have to “preach the gospel to yourself daily” was another truth God used to anchor my identity in Him as He has continued making me free.

Healing is hard, but worth it because our God is faithful and true!
The more I discover about who I am in Him,
the more I realize how sweet it is to be known and loved by God!

Then I saw heaven opened, and there was a white horse.
Its rider is called Faithful and True,
and he judges and makes war with justice.
Revelation 19:11

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