Resting Day 11
Refusing Rest

Philippians 1:6
1 Thessalonians 5:24
Psalm 138:7-8
Isaiah 41:8-10

My body was wooden and rigid, pulling away as sternly as I could despite the strong arms embracing me. My eyes were aloof and my expression stoic, even as the champion of my heart looked at me with deep love and spoke with tenderness.
“I love you”, he whispered, “You are enough.”
But I would have none of it, as all I could see was the mess strewn around my kitchen and living room.
“I’m never going to get this done in time!” I moaned inwardly. “Then I still have all that other stuff to finish. I’m not enough, not enough, not enough…” and so the haunting lyrics continued in my head.

I had said nothing out loud, but I may as well have been screaming and throwing stuff around with my body language. I had shut down, refusing the love that was literally holding me, while treating my man horribly, as I stubbornly held onto myself.

I pulled away farther and my husband let me go, his voice now frustrated and his eyes full of hurt.
He told me he was tired of being treated so poorly.

I refused to trust him.
I rejected grace for myself.
I bought the lie that I had to earn love.

My man said I rejected him.
He said I hurt his heart.
He was right.

And in that very humble moment of gentle confrontation, the Spirit’s voice filled my heart and said, “You treat Me the same way.”
He was right.

With crying babies, demanding schedules, friendship commitments, ministry needs, battling teenage emotions, and relationship challenges, feelings of being overwhelmed wrap tightly around me all too fast.

I look at the mistakes.
I see how I’m not enough.
But I refuse to run headlong towards the rest that waits for me in the arms of Christ.

Missed quiet time.
Ragged spirit.
Hurtful words.
Lack of boldness in sharing Jesus.
Misplaced priorities.
Anger.
Rudeness.
Jesus waits.

Not with arms crossed and angry eyes waiting for me to figure out how to fix this mess.
No, His are the arms around me, despite me pushing away. Right there in that moment.
His rest is the one I run from, as I arrogantly cling to my own sufficiency.

Oh how we love to speak of God’s amazing grace that saves and reconciles our sin-wrecked hearts to Himself.
We heartily proclaim that we could never save ourselves.
But for all the ways we fearlessly tout a salvation by faith alone,
we so quickly turn to works based sanctification.

Of course God is the only one who can save our desperate souls.
But somehow we end up living as if He isn’t strong enough to make us new along the way.

The problem?
Pride of self.
Lack of trust.

We feel we “should” be able to do everything in the time frame we demand,
while at the same time deciding that
God isn’t big enough to be trusted to finish the work HE began in us,
in His own way, in His own time.
What if He actually isn’t that “good, good Father”?

Those whispers?
Those doubts?
That second guessing of God’s character?
Enemy Lies, Sister!

I have three precious, beautiful girls whom I adore.
But their innocence is quickly giving way to tempting lies as they grow up.
Every day, whether it’s mean words from a sibling, a negative feeling they have about themselves, or a skewed perspective on reality, I insistently remind them,
“Hold On To Truth!”.

If we know the truth, we can yank up those ugly lies as soon as they rear their angry heads in our everyday.
Truth:
God is trustworthy.
You, Christ-follower, are free from condemnation.
We were made to live in a rhythm of rest, far away from the stubborn lie that we are self-made, self-sufficient, Jesus-loving Christians.
Ladies, Hold On To Truth!
And fall headlong into those arms of rest!

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