Gracefully Truthful

Deborah Rutherford

Keeping silent, I left the Church.

In Catholic School, I learned about Jesus, but at home, my father’s alcoholism was advancing. In an 8th grade creative writing class, I began writing poems to Jesus, pleading for help.

I am a Christian wife, writer-blogger, poet, makeup artist, and singer. My husband and I traded in the palm trees of Los Angeles for the woods of Georgia. I am blessed because I was so lost, but Jesus found me and said, “Follow me.”
Praise God I did!

There was a time when I lived with anxiety and depression,
but God pursued and wooed me,
calling me to draw near.
My life changed from disheartened wanderings to Spirit-led inspirations,
pointing to my love for Jesus.

In Catholic School, I learned about Jesus, but at home, my father’s alcoholism was advancing. In an 8th grade creative writing class, I began writing poems to Jesus, pleading for help.

My father stepped away from alcohol when I was sixteen, but the trauma continued for me as I was working for an uncle who molested me. Keeping silent, I left the church, for I wanted nothing to do with this man. I wandered off to college and Hollywood, and slipped into the punk rock music scene. Soon, I was putting myself in harm’s way leading to self-abuse and depression. 

God blessed me when He put me together with my husband, Don, a fellow wild-child with Christian roots. We left the music business and became makeup artists for film and television. During this time, I sought therapy to soothe my pain. Drifting into New Age philosophies, I was hungry for healing and spirituality.

One evening on a work trip in Budapest, I was skyping with Don, who was reading his Bible. I said I wanted to read it too. He replied, “Well, you’re in a hotel room; look in the drawer.” 

After we hung up, I looked in the drawer. Carefully turning the Bible’s crisp pages, I dove into the narratives of Jesus healing the blind and the lepers, and raising the dead. (Matthew 4:23-25)

I could feel the Holy Spirit whoosh upon me
as I began to hope He could do this miracle for me, too. 

Overwhelmed with excitement and joy, the truths I had known all returned to me. It was Jesus Who healed and performed miracles. How could I forget? Thankfully, God reached down, pulled me back, and dipped me in His glorious mercy. Because of this, I am in love with Jesus, telling whoever I can about His healing, love, joy, and peace in my own life.

Don and I accepted Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior and were baptized together; this ushered in His abundant life for us and we’ve been following Him ever since. Yes, indeed, there are trials and temptations, but adversity became our opportunity to draw closer to God.

About four years ago, I was afflicted with sudden sensorineural hearing loss in my right ear. As I leaned into God for strength and comfort, He began teaching me a new way of living. Slowing down, I could rest in His timing, ways, and rhythm. He showed me how to have joy no matter what I was going through.

With this slower-paced life, I still struggled with ambition and stress, especially with my career in the movie business. I needed to surrender my expectations and truly allow God to be in control.
It had to be His way, not mine.

My career was no longer something I had to achieve in order to be happy. God, my family, and my friends were more important than success. I knew God always provided for us, but I needed to release the “help” I thought I was giving Him. I needed to humbly surrender everything.

During the pandemic, God called me to write, and I began my blog, “God’s Globe.” I knew He had been nudging me to start a Bible study on Facebook, but I chickened out and felt ashamed for ignoring His call. When God provided the idea of blogging, I jumped at the chance to follow Him! This past January, God prompted me to take an internship with a Christian author. I stepped out in faith, and have been rewarded with an incredible journey.

I know God is with me every step of my Christian walk; there is no other better Companion than Christ! He is with me in the valley, on the mountain, night and day, moment by moment, with a peace and joy that are only possible when I surrender to His ways over mine!

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