Deep Love

John 1:9-13
Galatians 3:23-4:7
Psalm 27:7-14
Psalm 138:7-8

 

My life is a reflection of the grace of God.
I can’t look at any season I’ve walked through when Jesus hasn’t been faithful to provide.
It may not look like how I wanted, but He is faithful.

I was born to a mother who was addicted to drugs; I was a drug baby.
Those who knew my mother said if I were to think of any terrible action, my mother had done worse to get her hands on drugs. It was common for her to make drug deals in front of my sister and I, and prostitute in front of us.  I’m sure there was more, but it was never told to me – maybe to protect my mind – but I think I get the picture without any more stories.

My parents were foster parents when they welcomed my sister and I, which already gives you a glimpse of their hearts and lives, as they cared for children who weren’t their own. Later in life, I asked my mother why she’d never had her own kids. She told me about giving birth to a stillborn baby, which affected her more than anyone wanted to admit. She said she never wanted to experience that pain again.

So, my parents adopted both my sister and I, along with my brother who was born from another family. We lived in California, close to my biological family and siblings. We would visit often, usually weekly. I loved knowing my grandparents, it was like knowing I came from somewhere.

I remember one night packing up and leaving our home. We didn’t say goodbye to anyone, we just left. Our neighbor, who we were best friends with, saw us moving and came over to say goodbye. Later in life, that same neighbor told me she thinks my parents were trying to protect us from my siblings and biological mother in California. They saw the hurt and destruction the relationships were causing with my biological siblings being so close to my mom. My parents didn’t want to that environment for us too.

I remember being embarrassed telling people I was adopted when I entered elementary school. My cousin, Racheal, however, was so proud to know me and told EVERYONE we were related and I was adopted.
But for me, I always hated people knowing this part of my story.

Perhaps it was because my parents were older or a different ethnicity than me.
Or maybe adoption gave off the idea of being unwanted.
Regardless of how I felt about adoption, my parents loved me unconditionally.
Isn’t that strange for someone to love you SO well and SO deeply without being a biological parent?!

In middle school, we took our annual trip to California to visit friends and family where I had the opportunity to meet my biological aunts and uncles.
I had never met them, and I was so excited to meet people who were like me!
Maybe we had the same eye color, or nose, or the texture of our hair was the same. There was something about being adopted; for me, I just wanted to know who I was.

My aunts looked just like me, especially my aunt Vera.
When I met her, I felt like I had a connection with someone who looked like me. I asked my mom if we could move closer to them so I could know them better.
It crushed her, because she had spent the last 14 years of her life caring for us and raising us. To her, I seemed willing to throw that love away on someone I didn’t even know. While my aunt and I are still very close to this day, I think the idea of my mom losing someone she loved – again –  was terrifying.

The deep love the Lord has for us is much like this.
When I gave my life to Jesus at church camp in the summer of 2007, I began understanding His love. I began to take in the truth of the Lord having a plan for me and being for me, not against me.
Jesus had rescued me from a drugged-out woman who told my parents she never wanted me. He was there in the moments of abandonment as a child, comforting me through my earthly father’s love. That’s how good He is, that’s how good His plan is!

The Lord has taught me so much of His grace and what adoption looks like through His eyes. He is our Adopted Father!
I don’t think I really got this picture until I was in my twenties as I began realizing how much my parents sacrificed for our family; all for love.

There is something so sweet about adoption and the way it correlates with Scripture and God’s love for us.
When Jesus adopts us into His family,
He doesn’t give up on us when we do something wrong.
He doesn’t shame us when we fall short.

MY parents would NEVER do that to me, because they loved me like Jesus.
I partied in high school and they never once told me I was rejected from their family.
They chose love.
The same unconditional love our Father gives us surpasses anything I will ever experience.

I was abandoned. I was rejected, but I have been beautifully accepted, loved, and adopted. I know what it’s like to be loved, wanted, valued, heard, and a daughter to someone who said yes to you first!

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