heartache

Questions 2 Day 13 More Than A Bargain

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Read His Words Before Ours!

Isaiah 55:1-13
Hebrews 11:1-40
John 15:1-17
Philippians 4:4-9

Questions 2, Day 13

I prayed for a husband for years.

I waited.

And waited.

I waited as my friends fell in love. I celebrated at their wedding receptions, rejoiced over baby announcements, and clicked ‘like’ as baby bump pictures chronicled pregnancies. The pictures then shifted to first steps, first days of school, and so many other milestones . . . while I continued to wait.

In the midst of the moments of rejoicing, heartache existed, too. Even as I prayed for my husband, I watched other marriages fall apart. Parents or children were lost through the finality of death. Other relationships persevered through challenging circumstances, and growth took place as time marched on.

As I waited, I continued to ask for my husband in the Lord’s timing. Sometimes, I succeeded in asking with a healthy mindset, motivation, and heart posture, while other times, I failed miserably. Regardless, the Lord remained faithful, and I learned how true surrender to the Lord’s plan improved both my prayer life and my everyday life.

The Lord invites questions, but I have discovered a fine line between asking and attempting to strike a deal. Here are a few key lessons I am grateful the Lord has taught me through the years.

1. It’s about the Giver rather than the gift.
During the season of waiting, the more I focused on my desire for my husband and bargained with the Lord, the more I lacked peace.

With the valuable gift of hindsight, I can see how the Lord acted, for my benefit, to lovingly deny my pleading requests. What I wanted most was a husband; what God wanted most was my heart’s full attention and surrender. When I sought Him, the Giver (rather than pleading for my gift), He graciously supplied peace with His quiet “not yet.”

My sadness and tears were consistently met with the Lord’s tenderness. (Psalm 56:8) He taught me to trust His heart over mine as He held me close. There in the ache of waiting, I fell more in love with the Lord as He shaped my heart and lifted my gaze to my true Gift, the Giver Himself!

Whatever you’re tempted to bargain for, God’s desire is for you to know HE is your full satisfaction and delight!
“I pray that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, would give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him.” (Ephesians 1:17)

2. Ask with wisdom.
Assessing our heart posture and motives are critical when we bring our requests to our Father, who loves to give generously. Though an often-painful process, it teaches us to seek wisdom as we pray. When asking for my future spouse, my self-assessments revealed I pleaded most intensely when loneliness seemed strongest.

I would love to say I consistently asked with a surrendered heart, but that would be untrue. Instead, I sometimes let my emotions rule my prayers, thinking I could evoke the response I wanted from the Lord. But prayer is not a business transaction, and these prayers lacked a willingness to submit to God’s wisdom.

When emotion and fear take the lead, they send us blindly stumbling off the path of God’s Wisdom.
Therefore, let us begin our prayers by first seeking wisdom.
“Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God—who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly—and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5)

3. Receive with grace.
The Lord is faithful. I do not always understand His ways, but I do know He has a plan and purpose far better than mine. His answer may be no, it may be wait, and sometimes it is even yes. Whatever the response, receiving His answer with grace has consistently proven to be in my best interest.   

Waiting is not easy. Surrendering to wisdom is not easy. Yet both are necessary to receive the sweetness of His fullness.

Whatever you’re praying for, set your heart on loving Him more than the answer you’re after. He is the better.
“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened so that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what is the wealth of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the mighty working of His strength.” (Ephesians 1:18-19)

Nearly a year into my marriage, I can already see how the Lord’s choice for me is far better than any storyline I had written in my mind over the years of waiting.

Attempting to strike a deal with the Lord accomplishes little more than robbing our peace and diffusing our joy. We can’t use religious language or even Scripture to outfox Him, manipulate Him, entrap Him, or buy Him off.

When we’re nakedly honest, we realize our prayers of
“If You would just . . . then I PROMISE I will . . .”
are wild, heartbroken efforts to offer anything to appease a God we feel is stingy.  We simply have no power to hold the Lord hostage.

When we willfully grasp the truths that He needs nothing from us and loves to give us good gifts, our bargaining position evaporates.

Let’s fix our gaze upon His tender, Father’s heart for His beloved child. Let’s bring Him our desperation, our loneliness, and our fear. Let’s admit, “If You don’t . . . I am afraid . . .” and allow Him to fill the void of our inability with His faithfulness, provision, power, and love.

I encourage you (and myself!) to continue to be satisfied with the Giver over the gift, to embrace His wisdom, and to trust His grace at work in our lives while we wait for Him.

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Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!

Thanks for joining us today as we journeyed into Questions 2 Week Three! Don’t miss out on the discussion below – we’d love to hear your thoughts!

Looking for other journeys from this theme?
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The GT Weekend! ~ Reveal Week 1

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The GT Weekend!

At Gracefully Truthful, weekends aren’t for “checking out”.
Use this time to invite the Almighty’s fullness into you life in a deeper way!
Saturdays and Sundays are a chance to
reflect, rest, and re-center our lives onto Christ.
Don’t miss the opportunity to connect with other women in prayer,
rest your soul in reflective journaling,
and spend time worshiping the Creator who
longs for intimacy with each of us!

Worship Through Journaling

Worship Through Journaling

1) 2020. The year that will be forever marked with loss for many, and confusion and chaos for nearly all of us. In what ways has the Covid-19 pandemic gripped you with loss? Even the loss of normalcy significantly impacts each of us in different ways around the globe. Together, we share in this experience of loss. Maybe for you, just seeing the word loss makes your eyes swim with tears. Perhaps you’ve dreaded this Christmas season because the weight of absence feels impossibly heavy. We often move into the tendency to manage how we feel about loss rather than deal with it, allowing it to become part of who we are. What would it look like for you to acknowledge your loss this December? What if, instead of trying to stomp out the embers of ache and emptiness, we allowed them to swirl around us unhindered. What might the Lord Jesus reveal about our hearts, and our always constant need for Him, in the light of those flickers of brilliant loss? Make space this weekend to journal about your emptiness and aching places as you walk into December. Weep and be held by the Lord of Life and let Him comfort you.

2) Heartache isn’t a word we love to talk or write about with languishing love. The very word signifies we have traveled a long path, a weary one, a wounding one.  While most of us can easily describe some of our past experiences as bringing burdening ache to our hearts, we don’t often consider the heartache of God. Jesus came as a squalling babe in a rough manger, experiencing our heartache from the moment His holy lungs breathed their first earthly breath. Then, hanging on a cruel cross, knowing your sin and mine was being paid for in His righteous flesh, His heart continued breaking for us to come near and know His peace. As we walk through suffering, often made raw again at Christmas, be reminded the Savior knows you deeply. Pen the words of Psalm 90:14 on a card and make it a visible reminder to ask the Lord to satisfy you with His love this Christmas!

3) Ancient King Solomon wisely summarized, “Hope delayed makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12) What have you waited for? I mean, really waited for? A baby? A husband? A healthy marriage? A new position at work? Peace in relationships? Joy to return? Israel waited for the One promised by God to come and free them, but their expectations were so far off they missed the Savior entirely, even crucifying Him. I know I’ve done the same thing with my longings. For nearly two decades, I longed for my husband to act a certain way within our marriage. As Solomon wrote, I was indeed “heart sick”, but God graciously revealed how many good qualities I had missed completely because I wanted my “hoped for” to look as I expected. As I shifted my gaze to the Giver of all things, He opened my eyes to so much more! What if we each decided to surrender our hopes and dreams to the God who perfectly fulfills every heart that trusts in Him?!

Praying Scripture back to the One who wrote it in the first place is a great way to jump start our prayer-life! Pray this passage from Luke 1:78-79 back to the Lord and
let His Spirit speak to you through it!

Because of our God’s merciful compassion,
the dawn from on high will visit us to shine on those who live in darkness
and the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.

Prayer Journal
Ah Lord God, my view of myself and my circumstance is often so magnified compared to how I view You. I forget You are sovereign. I forget You are loving, good, and always for me. Oh Lord, I do believe You, help my unbelief! (Mark 9:24) Sometimes, I think of those shepherds on that first Christmas, or of Mary and Joseph, all of whom saw angels with their own eyes, and heard glorious tidings of good news! How easy it must have been to believe them! I forget, Lord, how long they had waited as an entire people for Your coming. How many times had they doubted? Even in the middle of Your very presence in their lives, how often did the “ordinary” feel too mundane to be holy? Seep my heart in Your presence so deeply, Holy Spirit, that I begin to see my regular life from Your vantage point. I wait for much, yet You are never delayed nor out of touch. I grieve, yet I know You hold every tear in Your safekeeping. I’ve lost much, but I know redemption is Your good work. Though I cry out, “how long, Lord?” and beg You to “turn and have compassion on Your servant”, “let Your work be seen by your servants and Your splendor by their children.” You alone are holy, sovereign, and always love, and I praise You!

Worship Through Community

Can we pray for you? Reach Out! We’d love to pray for and with you!
Send us an email at prayer@gracefullytruthful.com

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Share how God spoke to you today!
Comment Here or in our Facebook Community Group!

Worship Through Prayer

Worship Through Music

Worship Day 13
Your Hands

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Read His Words Before Ours!

Psalm 56:3
Isaiah 41:13-14
Philippians 4:6-7
John 14:27  

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

Loves. Can we all agree to set aside our shiny, polished answers and well-intentioned sound bites for a minute? Pull down your defenses and be vulnerable with me. It will be gritty. Probably painful, too. It’s okay. There is some truth we all need to hear. We will get through this together.

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord before these feet of mine
Oh Lord before these feet of mine

Let’s talk about our unanswered prayers. You know the ones. Those soul-wrenching, throat-throbbing, stomach-clenching questions we wrestle with in the wee hours of the morning.

The ones that make us think we don’t really know the God we serve.
The ones that make us think we don’t really know the people we love.
The ones that even make us think we don’t really know ourselves.

Yep. Those unanswered prayers. Or, perhaps worse, the ones that make us realize we do know Him. And we know His answer, but His answer threatens to tear the veil in our heart in ways we can’t repair.

Maybe it’s the financial ruin we desperately tried to avoid, but it found us hiding and waved a pink slip in our face. Maybe it’s the parent we begged for forgiveness, but they refuse to return our calls or texts no matter how many times we reach out. Maybe it’s the abuse we didn’t want to see, but now we have and it’s here and it’s ugly and we have to make a choice. Maybe it’s the spouse who pledged to love only us, but shared their heart with another when we weren’t looking. Maybe it’s the illness we denied with everything in us, but as the days marched by and the number on the scale continued to drop, we found ourselves forced to face a reality we never wanted and aren’t sure we can handle.

Maybe it’s the daughter whose life we I begged and pleaded for God to spare, but she slipped away from us me anyway.

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

I put off writing this for quite a while. Like, as long as humanly possible before the study started. (Sorry, Becca.) Sometimes, we put defenses in place before we consciously realize what God is actually asking of us. Sometimes, He asks us to do or say or sing or share or write things that are far bigger and harder or higher challenge than anything we would ever choose on our own… because it means being totally vulnerable in our brokenness. And sometimes, we just don’t feel brave enough.

Probably because we aren’t. Probably because I’m not.

But He is.

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

The day our firstborn arrived, we weren’t ready to meet her. It was too soon. I vividly remember gripping my husband’s hand tightly. His lips moved silently, praying. The team of doctors and nurses rushed her to the corner where the waiting equipment stood.

People from all across the country had been praying. For days. Friends who didn’t even believe in our God, crying out to Him on her behalf. Hundreds of prayers.

A flurry of activity, followed by one impossibly tiny cry. Then, silence.

When my world is shaking

My parents, praying and praying, just outside the delivery room door. So many prayers.

Heaven stands

The kind doctor grasped one of my hands in his and placed his other hand on my shoulder. Tears in his eyes.

When my heart is breaking

He shook his head. He couldn’t even get the words out. There was nothing they could do. The nurse handed her to me. An impossibly tiny person wrapped in a blanket that could have easily swaddled six of her. She had her daddy’s nose. She was perfect and beautiful and ours. She was there, until she wasn’t.

I never leave your hands

Loves, I know. The not-knowing is hard. It is so, so hard sometimes. When we are deep in our trouble and our world is shaking, we feel abandoned and alone. I get it.

But what we have to understand is that our faith is not about our feelings.
Rather, it is about Who is holding us. And the truth is that He never changes. No matter our circumstance. No matter our situation. No matter our loss.

When our worship is rooted in Who He is rather than His answers to our prayers, our reality shifts. He brings beauty from our scars, from our pain. We make room for Him to bring His Kingdom here. Through our dirt, through our trouble.

And He brings His Kingdom here. The reality of His Kingdom shows up in us, His people. When we own our faith in the hard things, this world takes notice. We are given divinely appointed opportunities to walk with people we might not otherwise walk beside. Hurting people. People in trouble.

And we are connected to them in ways that only Jesus can author.

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Loves, you and I, we are going to have trouble. Real, painful trouble. But do you remember what He said about trouble? “…you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NIV) When we set aside our feelings and choose to believe and walk in the truth of Who He is despite our trouble, we are choosing to live a life of worship, a life of faith.

And that’s exactly what we are called to do.

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

Jesus, You are our only King and Savior. You are worthy of our worship because of Who You are. Thank You for holding us in the midst of our trouble, in our hard things.  In the middle of our not-knowing. Thank You for Your peace. Help us to remember that regardless of our feelings, our faith is rooted in the One who never sleeps. Thank You for never leaving us. We love You.

*lyrics to “Your Hands”, by JJ Heller

Share your thoughts from today’s Journey Study!
Can we pray for you?
Sign up to receive every Journey Study!

Join the GT Community and share your thoughts!

Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!

Thanks for joining us today as we journeyed into Worship Week Three! Don’t miss out on the discussion below – we’d love to hear your thoughts!

Looking for other journeys from this theme?
Here’s a link to all past studies in Worship!