Read His Words Before Ours!
exposed and known tied together in a single moment.
Will there be acceptance?
Does shame live here?
I’m not a movie junky, and I rarely watch TV, but even for me, there’s something achingly sweet in watching a romantic comedy. Whatever the couple’s circumstances that pull at my heart strings, the winding path to resolution finds me swooning and cheering for the blissful couple as their “happily ever after” comes into view and the credits roll.
It’s easy to cheer on a fictitious couple on the screen, it’s quite another to live out a happy ending in real life, where expectation, desire, and satisfaction rarely align.
As a teenager, I was drawn in by the love story of Song of Solomon. I would read every word, imagining how fantastic it would be to be the Beloved of a man who seemed entirely intent on loving me.
How beautiful you are, my Love! How pleasant! (Song of Solomon 1:15)
I am my Love’s, and his desire is for me. (Song of Solomon 7:10)
You have captured my heart with one glance of your eyes. (Song of Solomon 4:9)
Surely, if I prayed intently enough, waiting for just the right one, the Lord would give me this Happily Ever After kind of man who would pen erotic poems about the delights of my body. I would feel loved, and full; content and never wanting for anything.
Your lips are like a scarlet cord,
and your mouth is lovely. (Song of Solomon 4:3)
How beautiful are your sandaled feet, princess!
The curves of your thighs are like jewelry,
the handiwork of a master. (…)
Your belly is a mound of wheat
surrounded by lilies.
Your breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle. (Song of Solomon 7:1-3, emphasis mine)
Turns out, real life was rather, um, less than.
I do remember my new husband reading Song of Solomon one night after he prepared a hot bath, but as for bright lights and clothes off, I’m always looking for the blanket and maybe, m a y b e, a candle for a light. Otherwise, pitch black works great; it’s good for sleeping and any other activity.
It would seem I actually have a lot of shame I’d rather keep under wraps. Plenty of uncertainty whispers in the corners of my heart, asking if my Lover actually loves me for me. Then, apparently, I have quite a few expectations I didn’t realize I carried, which has led to heaps of disappointment and even anger. These are also things I’d rather keep cocooned in the dark.
For over half my life, I’ve known, and loved, my husband, and he has known and loved me.
We’ve both done the best we could, given the people we were, the maturity we had, and what we knew of love and relationships. We’re now 19 years in to this mysterious covenant love we share, but, can I tell you a secret?
I only started feeling truly satisfied when I began loving my Maker first and most.
There was a time in my marriage, where the pain of disappointment and the heavy ache of never enough grew impossible to bear. It was then, I dared something new.
I took the Lord as my Husband.
I very intentionally decided Christ would have my everything, and I would look to Him alone to find my fullest satisfaction. Being a Christian was one thing, but committing to knowing Jesus as my covenant Bridegroom was another, especially in the deep wake of disappointment in my flesh and blood marriage.
It began simply, with my open Bible, a journal page, a pen, and an awkward few sentences signaling the beginning of a commitment to meet with the Lord God every single day and pray for my husband.
Over time, the woes I had with my man faded
as Christ became most and best of what I wanted.
Instead of bemoaning all the ways my man wasn’t,
I was drawn in by all Jesus was.
As I invested in my relationship with God, His Spirit reshaped my heart to see my husband differently and love him better. Sisters, when it comes to loving my man, I have an inexpressibly long ways to go, but I also know the Lord has made me new in ways I’d never dreamed possible, and He’s made my husband new too.
Want to know another secret?
My husband’s transformation took a radical shift when He decided
Jesus needed to be His one and only love as well.
He was convicted by Jesus’ words in Revelation,
“I have this against you, you have forgotten your first love”. (Revelation 2:4)
As he sat on a mountain, he was stunned by the sheer magnitude of the All-Powerful God who simultaneously deeply knew and intimately loved him for him.
Only when we fix our full attention on the One who crafted our bodies and our hearts, can we truly love another. Only here, in the complete surrender of ourselves to the One who pursues us most passionately, can we discover that we can indeed be fully satisfied.
Here with God, who sees all and knows all, and died to forever slay our shame, can we dance gleefully with all the lights on, because we are fully known and fully loved.
Here, and only here, is where real satisfaction lives.
Oh! Taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! (Psalm 34:8)
Come away, Beloved, the Lord is for you. (Psalm 118:5-6)
While every other Love in our lives will absolutely disappoint, only Jesus will fill us with overflowing delight. Be intent on knowing Him first and most, and let His knowing of you flood you with satisfaction.
Embracing God’s fullness in our lives is rooted in scripture and memorizing His word is vital to our continued growth and depth with Jesus. Tap and hold from your mobile device to download this week’s verse and make it your phone’s lockscreen!